


Rising From The Ashes

by labct1



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 18:58:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/995386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/labct1/pseuds/labct1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris and Adam reunite two years after a steamy affair and breakup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was the very first fic I wrote. There are lots of errors and it's kinda a mess. It was written and posted in LJ in 2010.

Adam stares at the note from Danielle again. "Adam, I debated sending this to you but you have to read it. The whole article even if parts are painful. If not for yourself then do it for me. Love, D." He wonders why she sounds so ominous. She must know that whatever it is, he'll do as she asked. He could never deny her anything. He takes the brown wrapped item out of the overnight envelope and opens it up. Out slides the latest  _Rolling Stone_ magazine. His breath quickens and instantly his palms get sweaty, for there on the cover, is none other than Kris Allen. The man Adam gave up everything for, the man who still haunts his dreams two years later, the man Adam has come to accept will never leave his soul no matter how far away they are physically.   
  
Why would Danielle send this to him? With that note? She knows what seeing his face will do to him. Afterall she was the one who helped glue him together again after he fell apart. He doesn't want to think about that time, doesn't want to revisit the hurt, the pain, and the sadness. He shakes his head and wonders who he's trying to kid. Those feelings are always there, bubbling under the surface, waiting for any small reminder of that time, to take over his heart and rip it to shreds. He's sometimes surprised to find he still has any of his heart left. Whatever it is Danielle wants him to read will have to wait. He's not ready yet. He throws it face down on the coffee table and leaves the room.  
  
Two days later Adam is flipping through the channels when an ad for the Larry King Show catches his attention. "Tonight, we discuss Kris Allen's shocking interview in Rolling Stone. Some say he said too much and others say it proves the tightrope gay celebrities face and applaud him for speaking out. Join us for the roundtable discussion on media, ethics and the private lives of celebrities." Adam glances down at the table and wonders what the fuck Kris said. With part fear, and alot of anxiety, he picks up the magazine and turns it over. Fingers tracing the outline of Kris's face, he feels a small smile tugging at his lips. Kris looks content, at peace, and something else he can't quite define. Adam closes his eyes and reminds himself that Kris's happiness is the only thing that matters. He learned long ago his own feelings, wants and needs will always come second to making sure Kris gets everything he desires, even if that isn't Adam. He leans back, puts his feet on the table, and turns to the article.  
  
 _Sitting in a soft white leather loveseat, wearing a plain black tshirt, black jeans, and white sneakers, Kris Allen looks like a man without a care in the world. The Grammies he won last year for song of the year and record of the year sitting on the dark mahogany coffee table between us. He's up for 5 Grammies next month. I ask him if he imagined his career taking the path it has over the last year.  
_  
 _"People think that night was the best night of my life. In their minds, I went from creating virtual career suicide to having one of the biggest selling songs ever." He laughs, a cruel sound, and his eyes go hard. "Little do they know. The truth is the night of the Grammy's was one of the worst nights of my life." He glances at his awards and picks up the one for song of the year for "Rising from the Ashes", "This award was so bittersweet. If it wasn't for Katy pushing me out of my seat, I'm not sure I would have made it to the stage. It's the most personal song I've ever written. It's about finding hope after feeling pain, about love rescuing you when you are drowning, about the real meaning of the term soul-mate." Just then he's distracted by arrival of Katy Allen, his ex-wife, future wife if you believe the tabloids. He gets up to greet her and kisses her on the cheek. He motions for her to sit down and join us, which she does. She's a naturally beautfiul woman, wearing a red sundress showing off her California tan. She has an easy smile and southern manners. There is a connection between them that is undeniable. She looks a little nervous, wary even, and given their history with the media, it's not unexpected.  
_  
"God fucking damnit", Adam screams out loud. He doesn't want to hear how Katy saved Kris from the evil Adam. Why would Danielle ask him to read this shit? Jesus, how many fucking times is he going to have to relive that time? For as much as he loves her, right now he hates her. Hates her for always trying to help him find closure.  How is he supposed to find closure when she keeps bringing the topic up?  He slams the magazine down. He crosses the room and picks up his phone and hits #2.   
  
Danielle doesn't answer and it goes to voicemail. "How could you do this to me?" Adam's voice breaks as he leaves his message. "Jesus, Danielle, what the fuck were you thinking sending me that article?  I know you love me but stop pushing so hard." He goes back to the sofa and picks up her note and the words jump out at him: "The whole article even if parts are painful." He runs his hands through his hair and decides he needs a drink before finishing. He walks to the bar and makes himself a vodka tonic. He gulps it down and makes another one. He stands there willing his mind to stay in the present. He doesn't want to drift back to those awful days after their break up. He was in such a black hole, he didn't think he would ever climb out of it. He remembers seeing video of Katy arriving at the house the day after Adam left. He was such a fool back then. He wonders if they laugh about him behind his back. Somehow he can't convince himself of that. Kris doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He would never intentionally hurt anyone. He knows this, deep down he knows this. It’s what gives him the courage to read the rest of the article.   
  
 _Kris continues his story, " Everyone assumes the song was written about Katy, after my relationship with Adam." Adam as in Adam Lambert. The man Kris beat out to win American Idol in 2009. The man Kris had a very steamy affair with after his divorce from Katy. The man who vanished from the public after their breakup. The man everyone blamed for the demise of Kris's marriage. He pauses, takes a deep breath, looks me square in the eye and says in a near whisper, "but the song is all about Adam. It's always been about Adam, it will always be about Adam."_  
  
Adam  breath catches.  What does that mean?  “Rising from the Ashes” is all about being in love and the joy of finding the one person in the world you were made for; it's about hope. Kris wrote the song a couple of months after their breakup. How could it be about him?

 _Kris rubs the back of his neck, a gesture he does often. "I'm tired of the rumors and innuendos. People don't want to hear the truth but, you know what, tough shit. Sometimes things don't fit into neat little boxes. Life is messy." Katy takes his hand and squeezes it. "I've been in two relationships in my lifetime. One to a wonderful woman, a friend, who I loved. Another to a man, my best friend, who I was in love with. Loving someone is very different from being in love.  Katy tried explaining it once but I didn't understand what she meant until Adam. One is comfortable and safe, and the other is scary, exciting, and exhilarating."_  
  
 _Katy looks up with a smile in her eyes, "I was the one who asked for a divorce. American Idol showed me that Kris and I loved each other, but as friends. Maybe we married because it was expected. Maybe we married because it seemed like the next step. Who knows. I know when he was touring with the show, we didn’t miss each other like we should have. We could go for days with just a text. That’s not how it should be when you are married. We are very lucky that we could keep our friendship. That's all it is, that's all it will ever be between us. I know people assume things because of the Grammy's and stuff, but that’s not reality. I think Kris will always be in love with Adam. I'm truly just a friend who’s here for comfort and support."_  
  
Adam reads the last two paragraphs over and over again. Kris told Adam he was in love with him many times in the first few months of their affair. Adam remembers the first occasion with such clarity it seems like it happened yesterday. He remembers the look in Kris's eyes, the smile on his lips. He remembers feeling so humbled and honored. Most of all he remembers how happy he was every time he heard it.  
  
 _Surprisingly, no questions are off limits.  Kris and Katy want to tell their story, the whole truth, so people will understand everything they've been through. We start with the obvious questions about how Kris's relationship with Adam started. "I developed romantic feelings for Adam a few months after the divorce. I didn't label them, or necessarily understand them, I just knew my feelings were changing. Katy and I were still in touch and I couldn't stop talking about him. She asked me during one call if Adam and I were dating. I laughed because I just couldn't imagine it. Adam was my best friend, he wasn't my boyfriend, but she planted a seed and I started looking at him differently. Imagining us together that way. I was falling fast and hard and I was scared, really scared. It was very frightening. I kept thinking 'What will people think? What if  he doesn't feel the same way', then Katy asked me why would I care what others think. It was my life and that life is short, and I needed to be honest with myself and with Adam. She told me I would never find true happiness unless I went for it because we both knew Adam would never make the first move. Not with me anyway.  The very next night, I told Adam how I felt. Adam was stunned,“ he laughs, “his face was priceless. He kept arguing that we would lose our friendship.  He kept mentioning the media frenzy that would invade my life. He thought I was lonely and that I was confused. In a moment of frustration, I grabbed his face told him we would lose it anyway because I was in love with him, and then I kissed him," he lets our a deep sigh, "It was the best night of my life.” His face is spread in a giant smile and his face is glowing with memories. “So really, the public needs to know that Kris Allen seduced Adam Lambert and not the other way around. If anything, I corrupted him!" He lets out a laugh._

 Adam's heart is pounding in his chest and he can't catch his breath.  He thinks back to that night. It was the best night of his life too. They were walking on the beach having one of their many discussions on the meaning of life. He remembers wanting so badly to hold Kris and kiss him but knowing it would never happen. They were best friends but that’s all they would ever be and Adam had long ago resigned himself to that fact. Adam’s face breaks out into a huge smile remembering how stunned he was when Kris told him how he felt. Remembers the first touch of Kris’s lips on his, thinking it was a dream. Groaning and pulling Kris in tight when he realizes it was real. The feel of Kris’s tongue in his mouth, his hands going around his neck and holding tight. Adam’s hand holding the back of Kris’s head at just the right angle. Them breaking apart, breathing heavy, and then laughing and running into the house holding hands. The overwhelming need to get as close to Kris as possible. The feel of Kris in his arms as he carried him to the bedroom. The way Kris wrapped his legs around his waist and told him to hurry. How they couldn’t stop kissing while quickly stripped each other of their clothes. Their joined moans when they were finally naked together. Kris’s head thrown back and his face in ecstasy when Adam laid him down on the bed and stretched out on top of him. He had never seen anything so breathtaking as when Kris opened his eyes, and Adam saw them full of love, want and need; his eyes reflecting the same things. They just laid there for a few minutes, lost in each others eyes. Baring their souls to each other with a look. Knowing this is where they are meant to be, with each other, in this room, at this moment. Adam had never felt so vulnerable and yet so strong at the same time. Kris breaking the moment by reaching down to take Adam’s cock in his hand. Running his thumb over the head then sucking the moisture into his mouth. Adam thinking he was going to cum right there. He kissed his way down Kris’s body, stopping to gently suck his nipples. Going down to take Kris into his mouth. Feeling the fire spread through his body. Thinking nothing had ever never felt so perfect before. Kris’s hands in his hair, his voice repeating Adam’s name over and over. His plea to stop because he wants them to cum together this first time. Adam’s slide back up Kris’s body. Their hips rocking against each other as their mouths make love. His arms going around Kris to hold him as close as possible. Kris’s legs going around his hips and rising up to rub them together. Adam taking Kris’s hand down their bodies, their joined hands rubbing their cocks together. Adam’s mouth sucking, biting on Kris’s neck when he comes. Kris’s eyes rolling back, mouth slightly open, the release of his breath when he comes right after. They laid like that for a long time, hands running over their bodies, in wonder. Soft kisses, whispered words of love spoken between them before getting up to shower together. He waited for the awkardness to set in, but it never did. It was so easy being with Kris. His phone rings and jolts Adam back to the present. He lets it go to voicemail. He hasn’t thought about that night in a long time. Afraid it will bring pain when he remembers he won’t ever have that again. He wonders what Kris remembers from that night. He picks up the article….


	2. Rising from the Ashes

_(Rolling Stone article with Kris Allen continued....)  
We move on to the intense media coverage after they came out as a couple. "We knew it was going to be a big story. I mean I was straight and married. People are going to be curious. Plus, everything Adam does is looked at under a microscope. We were handling it really well until the Out article."  He stops and he has a faraway look in his eyes.    
  
The infamous Out magazine article where the editors and other gay community “experts” debated the wisdom of Adam stealing Kris from Katy, publicly bashing Adam and distancing themselves. Calling Adam the, “worst role model for gay people everywhere” because “he dared to do the one thing to panic the straight community, he seduced the all American man.” TV shows started having debates about whether Adam was good for the gay community and their “agenda”. Some of the public were supportive but some started viewing Adam as freak and a pervert. The gay community started panicing about being associated with Adam.  Kris continues, "They took their first openly gay rockstar and threw him to the wolves. Is it any wonder gay celebrities are terrifed to come out of the closet,"  the words dripping with anger. _  
  
 _“I don’t think anyone knows all the pressure Adam was under before we were a couple. Everytime he was seen with a guy, everyone assumed the guy was gay. There were male celebrities who told Adam behind the scenes that they didn’t want to be photographed with him because they didn’t want the public to make assumptions. Then they would ask for his autograph. Talk about being a hypocrite. I was so pissed off for him. He wanted everyone to think he took it all in stride but I know it hurt him. I would have broken a long time ago under the strain. He would never tell a soul any of this, nor betray any confidences.  He's too noble, but this story needs to be told. He’s paid enough already. He’s lost his career and is treated like the worst criminal when his only crime was that I fell in love with him. “_  
　  
Adam feels tears stinging his eyes. He’s not sure how to feel. Cliché as it sounds, he just want Kris to be happy. He thinks back over the last year and everything that’s happened. How could he have gotten it so wrong? He’s seen pictures and videos of Kris and Katy together. They looked happy, Kris looked happy. He knows how easily the public buys into things. He’s just surprised to learn he was just as gullible. _  
  
So what led to their breakup? “Sometimes, no matter how much you want someone, it isn't meant to be, " he says quietly.  Why speak up now, after all this time? “Adam’s album came out shortly after the Grammy’s last year. It’s such a great album.  Did you know it’s gone platinum in a lot of countries,"  his face lights, full of pride.  "Yet, it barely made a splash here. I didn’t understand why, So I did some digging and found out that radio is blackballing him. They won’t play his music because of what happened with us. He’s too controversial. Sure, you may have one or two stations that will spin him, but the vast majority won’t. You can’t have hit records with only he backing of a couple of stations.”_  
  
Adam keeps reading the words, afraid of what else Kris has said.  The article moves on to talk about how radio works, and how hard it is to get played. How lucky Kris feels that his song was such a big hit. Then they get to the night of the Grammy’s.  
  
 _“I didn’t want to go. Katy came over earlier in the day and I was a wreck. All I kept thinking was that I wanted Adam with me. I wanted to share this moment with him and he wasn’t there. I wanted to walk the red carpet holding his hand. I wanted him sitting next to me when they read the winners name. Katy convinced me to go. I held her hand in a death grip the whole way down the carpet. I needed the constant touch to remind me I wasn’t alone. God, I was so lonely that night.  Anyone who’s been in love knows what I mean. I was surrounded by people, shouting my name, taking my picture, and I felt more alone than I have ever felt in my life. “ Kris lets out sigh. “I know it sounds dramatic and people won’t understand but I just wanted the night to be over. I wanted to go home and get drunk. When they called my name, I wanted to burst into tears. Katy kissed me to give me strength. She could see the panic in my eyes. I don’t remember the walk up the stage. I just remember wanting Adam to be with me and feeling such sadness that he wasn’t there.”  
_  
 _We talk about whether he will be at the awards show this year. He says he thinks he will pass but hasn’t made up his mind quite yet. He knows everyone will be looking at him differently once the article gets out. I ask him if he keeps in touch with Adam and he says he hasn’t spoken to him since the day Adam left.  I ask him what would he say to Adam if they were to see each other. Kris thinks for a long time, no longer looking like a man without the a care in the world.  Instead looking like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I don’t know. What do you say to someone who lost everything just because you fell in love? Straight couples have affairs all the time and they don’t lose anything. They just go on their merry way and all is forgiven. Adam lost everything, everything, because of me.  He’s paid a price far higher than anyone should have. I’m sorry doesn’t seem adequate enough. I do know the last thing I would tell him. I would tell him I love him. I just want him to be happy and find peace.”_  
  
Adam puts down the article. His heart is racing and his brain can’t grasp what he’s read.  He reads the article over and over again, memorizing certain parts.  He feels lighter than he felt in a long time.  He wonders, yet again, if he did the right thing in leaving.  Maybe if he stayed it would have been better.  It doesn't matter.  He can't change the past.  He can only go forward.  The question is, what is forward now?  He thought he knew but now he doesn't know anything.  
  
He looks up, surprised to see it's night time now.  He walks out the patio and down to the beach, sitting in the sand, letting the memories come as they will, no longer feeling the need to block them.  The rush of desire whenever he looked at Kris.  The daily fear that Kris would tell him he couldn't do it anymore.  The moment he first saw the look of disappointment in Kris's eyes when a show cancelled his appearance.  He never wanted to see that look again, but it was one Kris wore more and more towards the end of their relationship.  Adam knew that no matter what happened he would have his career internationally but all Kris had was his success in the US.  If he lost that, well, Adam couldn't think about Kris without music.  He knew Kris would be able to rebuild his career, especially if he had public sympathy on his side.  So Adam did what he thought was right.  He left clubs holding hands with pretty boys.  Sure enough the media ran with story that Adam was just toying with Kris and Adam was bored.  Everyone knew Adam had a crush on Kris so it was only natural that he take advantage when the opportunity struck.  He remembers Kris confronting him on that final morning.  Adam lying to him, telling him that Kris can't satisfy him sexually.  He knew that was Kris's only insecurity.   Fuck, he should have won an Oscar for his perormance.  He still can't believe Kris bought it, but that was his first affair with a man so he wouldn't know how easily he made Adam come apart with just a kiss, a touch, a word.  How completely Adam lost himself when they had sex.  He left their house that morning and never went back.  Nobody knew Adam was sobbing the moment he shut the door. 


	3. Rising from the Ashes

His mind on overdrive from emotions and lack of sleep, Adam decides to call the one person he thinks will understand.  The one person who knows everything about Adam.    
  
"Hey gorgeous,"  Adam uses his normal greeting.  "Got a minute," he laughs, "Or maybe a day?"  
  
He can imagine Brad on the other side smiling, "Hey baby.  I tried calling you yesterday but you never answered.   Now you're ready to talk and expect me to drop everything for you?  You know me so well!"  Adam can't help but smile.  "Talk to me baby.  How are you really?  And don't bullshit me either!"  
  
"Damn Brad, I don't know how I'm doing.  I don't know what to think.  I can't seem to process any of it." He lets out a nervous laugh.  "I know you read it, so tell me, what do you think?   I really need someone to break this shit down with me."  
  
There's a slight pause before Brad answers, "Well, my first thought was it's about damn time someone had your back!  You don't know how hard it was for us, your friends, to just sit quietly on the sidelines.  We only did it because you begged us to keep quiet.  We love you and respected your decision but it was so fucking hard for us." Adam thinks that the best quality of Brad is his honesty.  He made no bones telling Adam what a stupid thing he was doing two years ago when he broke things off with Kris.     
  
"I know it was hard on you guys.  Jees, you told me enough times what an idiot I was, but I can't change what happened.  You know I don't like dwelling on things once I make a decision.  I just don't know what to do now.  Do I just let it slide?  Do I say something."  
  
"This isn't like you.  You're never indecisive,"  he hears Brad say softly.  "Baby, tell me you need me and I'm on the next plane.   We can get drunk together, I'll make you laugh, take you to dinner and then we can pass out on your bed watching Gossip Girl reruns."  
  
He's tempted to take up the offer but it's Brad's first season on Saturday Night Live and he can't ask him to fly out on a moments notice.   He feels better just hearing the offer.      
  
"Sorry.  Didn't mean to scare you with my current mental state.  I don't need you to fly here but I appreciate the offer.  Although if there was kissing involved I'd buy you the ticket myself."  He hears Brad's "you wish" through the line.  Although their relationship is long over, they still enjoy teasing each other.  Adam gets serious again, "Brad, the same question keeps popping up in my head,"  Adam takes a deep breath, "Should I go see Kris?"  
  
"Honey, I don't think you have any choice.  Seriously, when's the last time you had a date with someone other than your hand?" Brad is only half joking.  He knows Adam's personal life has been non-existent.  It's easy to pretend it's the overseas touring but his friends know better. "You need closure.  He needs closure based on the article.  He deserves to know the truth.  Oh and Adam, I mean the whole, rip out your heart and lay it all on the line, truth.  You need to move forward with your life, enough of this living in limbo."    
  
Adam takes a deep breath.  He knows Brad's right but it doesn't make it any easier.  "Love you.  Thanks for the advice."  Adam says with quiet sincerity.  
  
"Anytime babe.  You know I'm always here for you."

They hang up and Adam makes a quick call to Danielle to say ask for forgiveness in leaving such an asshole message.  She says she understands and agrees with Brad.  His next call is to his publicist, who informs him of several invites: Dateline, 20/20, Oprah, Larry King Live, The Today Show, Good Morning America, and on and on.  He tells her he has nothing to say.  He says to tell everyone "No comment" if they ask for a statement.   He can't deal with the media crap right now.    
  
A couple days later, he decides to drive down the coast to LA.  He tells himself he needs to stop by his management's office and visit his mother, but he knows where he'll eventually end up.  Brad's right, he needs closure and there's only one way he's going to get it.  His mind wanders to the last night he and Kris were together.  Kris was leaving for a couple days for a gig in Las Vegas, one of the few not cancelled.  Adam was set to put his "plan" into motion the following evening.   He was quiet at dinner and Kris kept asking him what was wrong and he kept saying, "Nothing." They were talking about mundane things while cleaning up the kitchen when Adam grabbed Kris around the waist and pushed him against the counter.  He was desperate and rough when he pulled Kris's mouth to his.  He drove his tongue into Kris's mouth.  He was wound so tight, he nearly came apart when Kris shoved his hands through Adam's hair and held his head tight. Telling Adam without words to take him whichever way he wanted.   This night Adam wanted to worship Kris but he couldn't slow down.  He sucked on Kris's neck then brought his hands under his shirt.  He rubbed his chest, felt Kris's indrawn breath when he slid his fingertips down his stomach.  They were both breathing hard when Adam unzipped Kris's pants, shoved them down his hips, fell to his knees and took Kris's cock into his mouth.  He remembers Kris screaming, "Fuck Adam!".  He brought one hand up to Kris's mouth.  He stopped long enough to look up at Kris and give the command, "Wet them", watching as Kris obeyed.  With his eyes locked with Kris, he took him in his mouth again, sucked hard, and slid up and down.   His wet fingers slipping between Kris's ass cheeks to find his hole.  Then he just rubbed all around, gently, in sharp contrast to what he was doing with his mouth.   He knew Kris was close.  He felt the tensing of his muscles, saw the arch of his neck.   He loved that part; right before Kris lost the fight and exploded into Adam's mouth.  His cum hit the back of Adam's throat.  He wanted to stay like that forever.  He stood up and held Kris's face in his hands.  Kris licked his lips and opened his eyes.  Adam's voice, husky with desire, whispered, "I want to fuck you.  I want to drive my cock so deep inside that you can't feel anything else."   Kris whimpered and Adam took his hand and pulled him into the bedroom.   
  
He's jolted back to the present by a truck blaring his horn.  "Get a grip," he tells himself.  He turns the radio on and Kris's song is playing.  Like he is really expecting anything different from the universe right now.  He drives  to his mother's house but she's not home.  He takes a nap, mentally tired from all the thinking, and physically tired from the over six hour drive.  He showers and changes into his favorite skinny jeans, white and grey shirt, and black leather jacket.  His YSL shiny black boots and rings on nearly every finger.  He's feeling so much better than when he arrived.  He debates on whether to call Kris first, or just show up unannounced at his house.  Afraid Kris will tell him to fuck off, he opts for plan B.    
  
 (to be continued...)


	4. Rising from the Ashes

Adam pulls up to the gate and stares at the buzzer for a few minutes to gather his courage. He knows it's the right thing to do but that doesn't make it less terrifying. Why does the simple act of pressing a button make him feel like throwing up? His stomach is in turmoil, his mind is in chaos, and his heart feels like it's beating out of his chest. Before he can change his mind he hears a woman's voice, "Finally," and then the gate is opening.   
  
He needs to remind Katy to ask who's there before randomly allowing people entrance. Then his mind jolts at the thought of seeing Katy. It's bad enough seeing Kris but to confront Katy too....well, Adam just doesn't know if his body can take this much emotional assault in one day. He sees cars in the driveway and knows it's worse than he thought. Seems Kris is having a little party. Can his luck get any worse? He should have called first but it's too late for that now. Maybe he'll just turn around and head back to his Mom's, or the nearest bar. Yeah, a drink right about now sounds really good. Just then Katy comes out, the smile dying on her face when she sees who just pulled up. His Mom always told him it's best to rip the bandaid off quickly and get the pain over with instead of worrying about how much it will hurt. Time to put that theory to the test. He parks his car off to the side and gets out. He removes his sunglasses as he walks up the steps.   
  
"Hey Katy. You look well. As beautiful as ever," Adam talks like they are old friends who haven't seen each other in months. Which is partly true. They were friends, good friends. Katy was a big ally of Adam's. He's sure that changed the morning he broke Kris's heart.   
  
"Adam," she whispers. She just stands there gaping at him for a few minutes. He hasn't felt this awkward since he was naked in the boys locker room after realizing he liked boys. He shuffles his feet and puts his hands in his pockets as she stares at him. Finally she breaks into a smile, steps forward, and grabs his hands, "It's nice to see you." Adam lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding. She leans forward and wraps her arms around his waist and whispers against his chest, "I've missed you."   
  
He's humbled by her forgiveness. He brings his arms around her back and squeezes her, maybe a little too tightly but she doesn't seem to mind and he needs it. He feels like laughing and crying at the same time. He leans his cheek on the top of her head, "I've missed you too." He can feel her answering squeeze and he didn't know the truth of his words until this moment.   
  
She steps back and her eyes are a little wet, "Somehow I don't think you came here to hug me on the porch." She grabs his hand and turns to enter the house, pulling him along. She says over her shoulder, "You look like shit by the way, " He can't help but laugh. She was always so blunt and he adores her for it. "Oh and Kris is so gonna owe me. I bet him a new pair of Jimmy Choos that you would see it," she laughs, "and you know Kris, he thinks shoes cost $15 from Target. Wait until he gets the bill." She's laughing now and Adam is so thankful she was here.   
  
Once they are in the entrance, he pulls on her hand, "Maybe I should come back. I don't want to interrupt."   
  
"It's just a small gathering, a pre-Grammy party if you will. Plus, this reunion is long overdue." Her emphasis on the word long does not escape Adam.   
  
For what feels like the thousandth time that day, Kris is pretty thankful his friends are there.  His date last night was a complete disaster.  Just another evening spent doing comparisons to Adam.  As usual, the guy fell way short.  It doesn't matter if he dates women or men, it seems nobody can measure up.  He's starting to feel like a freak. Who moons over someone for years?   At least his friends know the score and understand.  He smiles to himself remembering Katy's expression when he told her he called the guy Adam during dinner last night.  She suggested he wouldn't get "confused" if he stopped going out with black haired, blue eyed guys.  It also doesn't help that the article is newly out and is keeping Adam at the forefront of his thoughts.  Somehow, someway, he needs to find a way to move on.   Before he can contemplate how to accomplish that, Katy interrupts his thoughts.  
  
"Hey guys I found something much better than pizza." She announces into the living room. Although, it's much larger than a normal living room and the only thing that's changed since the last time he was here is the pool table. There's a fireplace on one side with a seating area consisting of a white leather sofa and two light brown leather chairs. The other side has a bar with four stools. The pool table is between the sofa and the bar. Kris always wanted a pool table there and Adam always told him it wouldn't fit the decor. It makes Adam smile to see it. He nods to Allison, Matt and Megan hovering by the bar. There's some more people playing pool. Some he recognizes and some he doesn't. He'd normally laugh at their stunned expressions but he spotted Kris. His back is facing Adam and he's fumbling with something at the bar.   
  
"Nothing is better than pizza when I'm starving" Kris says dramatically. "and why is everyone so quiet." He turns around to look at the room. He freezes when he spots Adam standing at the entrance. Everyone looks from Adam to Kris then back to Adam and Kris again.   
  
Adam takes in the changes in Kris. His hair is a little longer, his body a little leaner. "Hi," Adam finally manages to say. All at once everyone is moving and mumbling their good-byes to Kris. Kris can't seem to break eye contact with Adam. He's stuck in some kind of trance. He shakes his head because he can't believe Adam is here. This is his secret dream and greatest nightmare come to life. He doesn't know what to say. He wants to scream at Adam to leave but, at the same time, beg him to stay. He's thought about seeing Adam again. He would act all confident so Adam doesn't suspect how much he hurt Kris. Of course, that was before the article. He knows Adam's read it. He wouldn't be here otherwise. Suddenly, Kris is feeling vulnerable. He looks down and rubs the back of his neck. Katy is the last to leave. She gives Kris a hug and a kiss on cheek. He nods at her whispered words of advise and she winks at Adam on her wait out.   
  
"Sorry to break up the party," Adam says. "I should have called first."   
  
"No problem. It was more for them anyway. It's just an awards show." He looks embarrassed. "Can I get you something to drink?"   
  
"Water will be fine." He walks over to the bar and says "Thanks" as Kris hands him the bottle. "You look really good."   
  
"Thanks," Kris says sheepishly. Kris takes a seat on one of the stools. He looks around the room and takes a drink of his beer. "So, um, Adam, why are you here?" He was never one to beat around the bush and he's not about to start now.   
  
"I read the article," Adam states.   
  
"I figured you had. I mean you wouldn't stop by for a friendly visit now, after all this time," Kris says a little bitterly. "Look, if you're here because you're pissed I spilled your secrets, tough shit." Kris is getting defensive.   
  
"No, I'm not pissed," Adam says hesitatingly. "which, funny enough, is probably the only emotion I haven't felt." That seems to take some steam from Kris. He can see him relaxing. "I needed to see you in person, to satisfy my curiosity." He smiles at Kris's questioning look. Then he pushes on for his answer, "Why now, after all this time? I know you've had opportunities in the past ,so, what happened? "   
  
Why does Adam even care about why he did it?  He figured Adam would be angry since he likes to keep his privacy as much as possible. Kris debates before answering, "It's simple. I was listening to the radio and after they played my song. The DJs starting talking about me, and then us. They started saying stuff about you and I got mad. I decided to set the record straight."   
  
"What kinds of things?"   
  
"Just stuff. It's not important."   
  
"Well I think it's important." Adam knows Kris will do anything to avoid hurting someone's feelings but he really needs to understand. He presses on when Kris remains silent. "Look, I know I'm the last person who should be asking anything of you, but, please, I really need to know what pushed you into saying all that stuff."  
  
He really doesn't want to tell him.  Kris always felt so protective of him.  He also knows how relentless Adam can be.  Kris sighs, "Fine, if you really want to know, they were calling you a flash in the pan creep who gets his kicks out of seeing how many straight guys he can seduce. They wondered if you destroyed any other marriages, then they said they were glad your 15 minutes were up." Kris is upset now.   
  
Adam shakes his head, "Why would that bother you. I've, we've, heard worse after the AMA performance."   
  
"Because I know what a great performer you are. Hell, the rest of the world knows yet your own country refuses to give you a chance." He exhales. Kris decides for total honesty and says softly, "And because maybe, just maybe, I was tired of feeling guilty for my part in it all."   
  
Adam studies Kris for a minute and says quietly, "Thank you. I figured you would hate me forever."  
  
"I did at first but I got over it," Kris says. "Sometimes things just don't work out. It's not anyone's fault, it's just life. I only wish you talked to me first. It kinda sucked finding out from Perez."  He'll never forget the day Perez wrote on his blog about Adam leaving the club with someone else.  It was the worst day of his life.  
  
Adam winces, "I'm sorry. I never meant to embarrass you."   
  
"I know you didn't. It took me a while to realize that fact but it helped."   
  
They are both quiet, looking at anywhere but each other. They are thinking over what's been said and what hasn't been said.  
  
Kris changes the subject. "I saw your show in Sydney. It was really, really good. I always told people you were the best I'd ever seen."  
  
"You went to my show?" Adam is stunned.   
  
"Well, yeah. I was there on vacation."  He figures Adam doesn't need to know the only reason he was there on vacation was to see the concert.  "I mean, I'm still one of your biggest fans, even though you're a terrible boyfriend." Kris's smile takes the sting out of the words. "Don't you find it weird that I'm the only guy you haven't stayed friends with afterwards? Sometimes, I think I miss that the most."   
  
Adam knows exactly what he means, "Me too." Before he knows it, he blurts out, "I never cheated on you." Adam swallows the lump in his throat. "I wanted everyone to think that because I thought it was best for you and your career."


	5. Rising from the Ashes

Kris shakes his head trying to clear it. He's in shock and It's in his voice when he finally says, "What?"   
  
Adam stands up and walks to the pool table, keeping his back to Kris. He can tell the story but not while looking at him. If that makes him a coward, well too bad. "After I read the article, I knew you needed to know the truth. Remember when People called to cancel your cover story?" He doesn't wait for Kris to answer. "Of course you do. I'll never forget the look of disappointment on your face. God, I never wanted to see that again." He rubs his hands over his face and through his hair. He sighs, "Little did we know that was just the beginning. I watched you lose a little bit of your soul with each cancelled session or photo shoot. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and successful. Our relationship was costing you your music. I knew you couldn't survive that. We are so alike in that regard. It was my fault and I tried to find a way to give it back to you." Adam continued to tell the whole story. He left nothing out. "Unfortunately, people are so manipulated by the media. You know how easily they believe everything they read. I figured if there was a way I could be painted the villain, then the media would rally behind you. I knew that once the media was in your corner, radio and fans would follow. So I asked a couple friends to meet me at the clubs, and I let the paps snap our pictures when we left." When he was done, he took a deep breath and turned around. He didn't know what to expect from Kris but he definitely did not expect to see fury.  
 

"Jesus Christ," exhaled Kris when he could find his voice. "What the fuck were you thinking? I'm not a fucking child! I can take care of myself. How dare you make the decision about what is important in my life and what isn't." He stands up and paces in front of the bar, his hands flying all around. He doesn't think he's ever been so angry. "Did you think I was kidding when I told you I loved you; that I wanted a life with you? Do you want to know what I did when you left?" Kris is yelling now. He's tired of holding it all in. "I cried in my room for days. I couldn't stop thinking that if only I was more aggressive sexually you'd still be with me. I kept beating myself up that I wasn't confident enough to try the things I wanted to do instead of always waiting for you to initiate them. I spent every night wondering who you were fucking. Wondering what they were doing to you that I didn't do," he takes a deep breath, his anger spent. Adam didn't know what to say or do so he just stood there watching Kris get control. "I didn't pick up a guitar for a long time. Music reminded me too much of you."   
  
"But you did play again. You wrote an amazing song and now you're getting all the accolades you deserve." Adam says quietly.  
  
How can Adam even think that his life was better without him? And all for a stupid career! Sure he may be more successful, but he lost a lot of his soul the day Adam left.  A part of him has never hated Adam as much as he does now.  He looks at Adam and Adam doesn't look away.  He needs to know how the song came about.  "Katy broke down sobbing one day. She said she would never have divorced me if she knew the pain I would go through because of you." Adam can tell Kris is thinking back on that day. "I told her all the pain was worth it for the short time I got to spend with you. That was the night I wrote "Rising From The Ashes."  
  
They are standing a couple feet apart. Kris has his hands in his pockets and Adam is leaning against the pool table. His knuckles are white where he's gripping the table like a life line. "The disappointment on my face wasn't for my career. It was for you. I couldn't believe the way people were treating you. I don't know how you lived your whole life with people judging you just based on who you were dating. All I wanted was to wrap my arms around you and take you away from it all."  
  
"Kris," Adam starts but is interrupted.  
  
"Stop You don't get to talk now, not after your little speech. It's my turn." He takes a deep breath and is silent for a few minutes. He is quickly thinking back, wondering if he missed any sign. Maybe if he pushed harder back then they'd still be together. His heart speeds up thinking of the possibilities. Since he has nothing to lose he decides to go for the jugular. "Answer me this, and I deserve to know the truth. If my career was never in jeopardy, would we still be together?"  
  
Adam stops breathing. He's scared to say the words out loud. If answers honestly, he would be laying his heart bare. Lying would be so much easier, but there has been enough lying and secrets between them. "The happiest I've ever been is when I was with you. There was never anyone else. There hasn't been anyone else since. It will always be you. So," he blows out a breath, "the answer to your question is yes."  
  
There's a long silence while they just stare at each other. Adam can't take it anymore and breaks off eye contact. He thinks it's time for him to leave but then Kris is standing right in front of him whispering his name. Before he knows what's happening, Kris is pulling Adam's mouth down to his and just like that they are enveloped into an inferno. Teeth scraping, tongues dueling, breaths mingling in a desperate kiss. Adam grabs Kris's ass and pulls him in tight. Kris moans into Adam's mouth. Adam loses control and grabs Kris's hair and yanks his head back. He's breathing heavily as he scrapes his teeth down Kris's throat. Kris runs his hands under Adam's shirt and tugs. Adam lifts his head and yanks his shirt off and then does the same to Kris's shirt. There's a frenzy of hands as they strip each others pants off. Adam groans and closes his eyes when Kris's hands graze his cock. He doesn't think he's ever been this hungry for anyone. When they are finally naked, Adam steps back and just stares at Kris. He sees Kris's cock twitch and he licks his lips. He pushes Kris back until he is laying on the table with his legs wrapped around Adam's waist. Adam runs his hands up Kris chest and whispers, "God, you are so beautiful." Then he leans down and licks Kris's cock from the base to the tip. He takes the head into his mouth and sucks lightly. He feels Kris's hands snake through his hair. He swallows Kris down and then sucks hard causing Kris to buck his hips and pull on his hair.  
  
"Adam," Kris pants, "Please, stop." Kris is breathing hard. "I can't wait. Need you inside."   
  
Adam leans down to pull the condom from his pants. He puts Kris's legs on his shoulders and uses his hands and fingers to get Kris as wet as possible before entering him with one snap of his hips. "Fuck," he screams. He bites down on his lip and looks at Kris's face. His arms are thrown back and his back is arching. "You feel so good, baby," Adam says. He lays his hands flat on the table and Kris's legs slide down. Kris grabs his legs behind his knees to hold them open while Adam pounds into him.   
  
"Harder," Kris moans. "Faster," Kris lets go of one leg and brings his hand to his cock and starts stroking himself. "Fuck me!"   
  
Adam is so close. He nudges Kris's hand out of the way and takes over, matching the same motion as thrusts.   
  
"I can't, " Kris is breathing deeply, "hold out," he gulps in a lung full of air. He's holding his legs as far back as he can. Adam's balls slapping against his skin feels so good.  
  
Adam squeezes him tight one last time before he screams. His cum hitting his chest and soaking Adam's hand. He feels Adam tense and then he throws his head back and yells Kris's name. He collapses on Kris and Kris holds him tight. They stay like that until their breathing calms down. Adam lifts his head and give Kris a sweet, tender kiss, before standing up and pulling out. He removes the condom and walks behind the bar to dispose of it and wash his hands. Kris just lays on the pool table trying to figure out what just happened. One minute he can't stand him and the next minute he can't get close enough. He feels a cool, wet cloth wiping his chest and soft penis. He smiles at Adam and Adam smiles back.

There's time to figure it out later. For the first time in a long time, Kris is thinking things are going to be okay.


	6. Rising from the Ashes

Adam rests his head on Kris's chest trying to make sense of what just happened.   He can feel Kris's hands running through his hair.  How did things get so out of control?  As much as he wishes he could stay here forever, he knows they have so much to talk about.  So much to work through.  He can tell Kris is coming down from the sex high too.  He feels him take a deep breath and remove his hands.  He pushes on Adam's shoulders, asking him without words to get off.  He stands up and goes to rinse the cloth in the sink at the bar.   He can hear Kris getting dressed behind him.  He needs to say something to break the awkward silence but he doesn't., and the silence stretches on.  He goes to get his clothes.  Kris has gone to stand by the couch, his back to Adam.  He wonders what Kris is thinking.   
  
"I, ah, didn't come here to, well, you know..."  He shoves his hands in his pockets.  When was the last time he was so tongue tied?   "I mean, I just came here to explain."  There was a point earlier where he felt like he was talking to Kris, his friend.  Now Kris can't even look at him.  He'd probably be doing the same way if the situation was reversed.  "I'm not sure how that even happened."  
  
Kris chuckles, "Chemistry?"  He turns and sees Adam smile.  "Look, if you read the article you know how I feel about you," he swallows and looks Adam in the eyes, "and you told me how you feel but we can't just pretend the last two years never existed."  He runs his hands through his hair.  
  
"Yeah, I know."  Adam shoves his hands in his pocket.   
  
"I know we need to talk but I just can't right now," Kris attempts to rein in his emotions.  "Can I call you in a couple of days?"   He needs time to think things through without distractions, and Adam is one giant distraction. "To be perfectly honest, right now a part of me is really happy and another part is really angry.  I need to figure things out."  
  
"I understand,"  Adam says softly.  He walks over and gives Kris a hug.  He leans down and gently gives him a kiss.  "Take whatever time you need.  I'm not going anywhere,."  he whispers.   He rubs his hands up and down Kris's arms.  "Do you still have my number?"    
  
"Yeah, I still have it."   
  
"Okay then.  Guess I'll get going."  God, he feels like he's having an out of body experience.  He doesn't even wait for Kris to respond.  He turns and leaves.     
  
He goes over the whole visit on his way to his mother's house.   They shouldn't have had sex.  But, holy shit, it was hot, really hot.  He's getting worked up just thinking about it.  For the first time he's hopeful.  Kris looked at him with such tenderness before he kissed him and everything erupted.  Maybe, just maybe there is a chance.   They certainly haven't lost any of the passion they had between them, but that only goes so far.  Adam really messed up.  He knew he hurt Kris, he just didn't understand how much.  A part of him was insecure about Kris's feelings for him.  No matter how many times Kris would say he loved him, there was a piece of him that worried Kris was just comfortable with him.  That maybe he was just a rebound person after his divorce from Katy.   Now he wonders how he got it all so wrong.  Before he knows it he's at his Mom's house.  He pulls up the drive and jogs up to the door.  His mother is sitting in the living room watching TV.  
  
"Hey honey,"  she gets up and gives him a big hug and kisses his cheek.  "It's so good to see you."   
  
"I know.  It's been too long."  They talk all the time but it's not the same as seeing her in person.  "Are you going to be up for a while?  I need to shower but I really need to talk to you."   
  
"Sure, I'll be up.  I'll fix us a some tea."  She starts walking into the kitchen.     
  
Adam yells to her as he starts down the hall, "I need something alot stronger than tea."   
  
He strips down and climbs into the shower.  The water is as hot as he can stand it.  He needs the steam and heat to relax his muscles.  The water feels so good against his skin.  He leans his head against the tile and thinks about Kris, naked and laid out on the pool table.  His face a picture of ecstasy.  Then he sees Kris's face in torment before he left.  It's amazing how quickly things can change.  He washes and towels off quickly.  He puts on a soft pair of sleep pants and an old Bowie t-shirt and heads downstairs.  His mom is sitting at the kitchen table, a glass of tea in front of her, a vodka tonic across the table.  He sits down and takes a gulp.     
  
"So spill.  What's going on?"  His mother knows him better than anyone.  He's never been able to hide anything from her.     
  
"I went to see Kris."  He sees his mother's eyes widen.  "Yeah, well, I thought he should know."   He tells her the whole story.  He even told her they had sex, he just didn't tell her the details of it.  When he's done he says, "I don't know what to do."  
  
She reaches across the table and grabs his hand.  "I guess the question is what do you want to happen next."  
  


"I want him in my life again.  The same thing I've wanted since I left.  But, Mom, I don't know if he'll ever forgive me."   He lays his head on his arm.  "How can he understand what I did when I'm starting to question why I even did it?"  
  
Leila takes a sip of her tea and studies her son.  His gorgeous blue eyes look more frightened then she's ever seen.  He's been through so much in his life.  The struggles of acceptance, success from Idol, falling in love, the loneliness of the last couple years.  She wants him to be happy again.  They all tried telling him what a mistake he made at the time.  The fact that he's starting to recognize the error of his ways is a positive step forward in her opinion.     
  
"You need to find a way to forgive yourself,"  She says quietly. She watches him lift his head and study her. "How can you expect Kris to do it when you haven't done it yet?  You can only hope he accepts your apology."  She stands up and puts her cup and his glass in the sink.  She stops and rubs his back, "No matter what happens, I'm here for you.  I love you."  
  
Adam grips her hand and squeezes, "I love you too Mom."  
  
He watches her leave the room.  He sits there for a while thinking about what he should and shouldn't do.  He decides he will give Kris some time, but if he doesn't call, Adam is going to contact him.  He needs to get past the guilt and the pain, and he can't do that without seeing Kris again.  He turns the kitchen light off and goes to bed.  His mind immediately pictures Kris all spread out, begging Adam for more.  He tries to think of other things but it's no use.  It's going to be a long night.  
  
The next morning he's making omelets for him and his mother when his cell phone rings.  "Hello," he answers.  
  
"Hey Adam, it's Kris,"  Adam drops the utensil in the pan then swears into the phone. "If this is a bad time, I can call back."  
  
"No," Adam almost yells into the phone.  Kris called.  He can't help feeling a little giddy.  "No, it's fine. I just dropped the spatula."  He tells Kris about the omelets.  
  
"That sounds good," Kris instantly changes the subject.  "I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight, say around 7?"  
  
Adam thinks this is another good sign.  He says, "That would be great.  Do you want me to meet you or do you want me to pick you up first?"   
  
"You can meet me.  I was thinking we could go to Angelinos, I mean, if you don't mind,"  Kris asks a little nervously.  
  
Angelinos was "their" restaurant.  It was where they had their first date, even if it was after the relationship started.  It was where they tried the scene from the cartoon movie where they shared a piece of spaghetti.  It worked out better in the movie but they had fun trying.    
  
"That would be good," Adam answered.   
  
He hears Kris exhale, "Good, okay then.  I've got another call I've got to take, so I'll see you tonight."    
  
Adam looks down at his phone.  He's thinking it's got to be a good sign that Kris called him so quickly, and that he picked Angelinos.  It takes him a minute to realize he's standing in the kitchen, breakfast is burnt, and he's grinning like a fool staring at his phone.    
  
Just then Leila comes in and looks around.  "You look a little too happy you ruined breakfast," she says. "You know I love your omelets," she pouts.    
  
Adam runs to her and engulfs her in a big hug.  "Mom, I'm having dinner with Kris," his voice is full of joy and maybe a little bit of anxiety.   
  
"Good for you two," she says hugging him back.  Adam pulls back and his eyes get a panic look in them.  She decides she liked the joy better.  "So Adam, I've got a question for you."  He's looking scared but he nods at her.  "What are you going to wear?"


	7. Rising from the Ashes

Kris pulls into the parking lot a half hour early. He’s anxious for tonight to be over with so he can start the next chapter of his life. It’s one of those moments in life where you are faced with two difficult choices. One would involve heartbreak but he would eventually move on. The other, well, the possibilities are endless but could he survive it a second time if things didn‘t work? He barely made it out of the dark hole last time. He’s never purposely done anything he knew would hurt a person he loves. All he thought about last night was that Adam made a calculated decision not caring about Kris’s feelings. Why did hearing the truth somehow feel worse than when he thought Adam had cheated on him?

He gets out of the car and zips up his leather jacket. He’s still fifteen minutes early when he walks inside. He doesn’t recognize the hostess, Alicia, but she recognizes him and asks for an autograph. After signing her paper, she escorts him to a private room in the back. It’s usually reserved for parties or large groups but he requested it specifically. He doesn’t need prying eyes and cell phone cameras tracking their every move tonight. He’s not sure coming here was the smartest move but it seemed like the right one. He takes a seat at the end of the table and waits for Adam to arrive. He needs to keep a clear head tonight so he orders a glass of water when asked for his drink.

Just then Adam walks around the corner with the hostess. She’s laughing at something he said and Kris smiles. He’s such a charming flirt. Kris’s heart turns over in his chest when Adam spots him and smiles. He looks so gorgeous in his brown jacket, white shirt with brown tie, skinny black jeans and leopard print boots. He’s makeup free except for a small bit of black eyeliner. His hair is swept back over in his Elvis pompadour look. Kris has such a sentimental attachment to that style. He used to help him with it on the Idol tour and they had such great laughs. Plus, it lets his eyes shine. Kris stands, as Adam approaches. His mama did raise a gentleman after all.

“Hi,” Adam says with a big smile. “I haven’t been here in a long time. It doesn’t look like it’s changed much.” It’s a small family-owned place. The kind with the white tablecloths and plastic flowers in a vase on each table. They’ve dined at five-star restaurants but this was their favorite. It may not have any of the glitz but it has the best food and ambiance anywhere. The patrons here are regular, hard working families who come here to enjoy a night out together. They aren’t snobs who only go to a place to get their names in a gossip column.

Kris says the first thing that comes to his mind, “You look really nice tonight.” He smiles at the look of pleasure on Adam’s face.

“Thanks,“ Adam looks down at his shirt and flicks his tie. “I tried on a couple of outfits before settling on this one.”

“A couple or a couple hundred?” Kris can’t help teasing him.

Adam laughs, “You know me so well!”

Before either can say anything further their waiter arrives to take Adam’s drink order, he also orders the same as Kris, water. They place their order at the same time. They both order the grilled chicken with steamed vegetables.

Once their waiter leaves, Kris asks Adam about touring in Europe and Asia. Adam says he’s surprised at how well he’s accepted over there. He talks about how insane the crowds are overseas. The crazier his make-up and costume, the crazier the crowds. He tells Kris he thinks it’s awesome that people allow themselves to escape from the real world at his concerts. They talk about how well his album is doing internationally. Kris senses a little sadness and disappointment that he hasn’t done as well in America with his second album.

Their salads arrive and they continue to talk about what they’ve been doing that last two years. Kris tells Adam about a concert he did in Vegas where the women in the front row all flashed him and their tits spelled out “KRIS ALLEN ROCKS”. Adam is laughing for a few minutes over that one and Kris laughs with him. He tells Adam about the cabin he bought in Maine. It’s the place he goes to refresh. He sits on the beach and just writes music. It’s where most of the songs on his second album started.

Surprisingly there are no awkward silences or any tension. Their conversation flows easily. The waiter returns with their dinners. It looks and smells delicious, as usual.

They are both quiet while they begin eating. Kris breaks the silence, “I guess it’s time we talk about why we’re really here. I’ve done a lot of thinking…”

“Can I say something before you start,” Adam asks and Kris nods. “I know I hurt you. I didn’t know how much until recently. I’m sorry. It seems like such an inadequate word when what I feel is so much more.” His eyes are staring into Kris with such intensity. “I don’t know what the future holds but I can promise you I won’t do anything like that again. What seemed like the right thing to do back then, now seems so idiotic. I‘ve learned a lot. I would do things differently if I could go back in time.”

Kris can’t leave the hurt out of his voice, “If that’s true, then why haven’t you tried contacting me before now?” He stabs at his chicken. He can’t bring himself to eat anymore.

Adam closes his eyes and sighs, “I picked up the phone a few times to call you but I chickened out.” He blinks his eyes open. “Then I saw you with Katy at all the awards shows and I assumed you had worked things out with her. I didn’t know you were just friends until I read the article.”

Kris mulls that over. He decides to ask about something else that’s been bothering him, “If your plan backfired, and my career still tanked and I faded away into the woodwork, what would you have done?”

Adam stares at Kris for a minute before he answers, “I thought about that but you were already finding success. You had TV shows after you, magazine covers scheduled, radio behind you. It wasn’t until we went public that you lost that. I didn’t doubt for one minute the fans would get behind you again.”

Kris decides to question Adam about something else he said, “One thing I don’t understand is why you were bothered by gossip,” Kris tilts his head and studies Adam. “You don’t care what people think about you. You just live your life. Yet that was a major point in why you left.”

Adam is nodding, “You’re right. I don’t care what strangers think about me. But I do care what they think about people close to me.” He shrugs, “I get protective of them. Probably too protective. Case in point, this conversation.” Adam tries to smile.

Kris is quiet for a moment before asking, “So what happens if we date again? You know it will be even worse this time around.” Kris is feeling miserable. His biggest fear is that Adam will leave again to “save” him, even if he doesn’t want saving.

“It’s simple,” Adam says with a firm glint in his eyes, “I don’t give a shit. I lost too much last time trying to be some romantic hero. I won’t do it again.” Adam’s voice gets stronger as he goes on, “Sorry, Kris, but if we were to work things out and it cost you your album deal, or your agent left, or whatever, well that’s too fucking bad because I won’t give you up.”

He’s staring at Kris and Kris can see the truth in his words. Still, they are just words. It was his actions that hurt Kris so much last time. Kris takes a long sip of his water, wishing he had ordered something stronger to get this next part over. He could be honest with some stranger questioning him about his relationship with Adam but his stomach, heart and mind are in turmoil talking about it with the man himself.

Kris decides to be blunt and not beat around the bush, “I’m scared. I don’t trust that you won’t break my heart again.” He can feel his eyes filling so he looks down so Adam can’t see them. He’s more scared than when he told Adam on the beach how he felt. It’s time to take the leap but his heart is in his throat. He licks his lips nervously, “But I think it would destroy me to know that you were out in the world somewhere, wanting me, and I’m somewhere else wanting you.” He says softly, “I’d like us to try again but I’d like to take it slow.” He’s eyes are still downcast and he misses the complete transformation in Adam’s face. There’s a smile a mile wide, and his face looks like it’s being lit from the inside with a magical glow. “I mean, I know it’s stupid, after yesterday and the pool table,” Kris can feel his face heating. He hears the scraping of the chair against the floor. He looks up to see Adam standing up and, for a split second he’s afraid he’s leaving, but he just crosses to sit next to Kris. He grips one of Kris’s hands in his and kisses it, then he holds it to his cheek, closes his eyes and sighs.

“We can take whatever time you need,” his piercing blue eyes open, “I’m so happy right now.” He tilts his head back and laughs, and for the first time since the conversation started Kris is feeling relaxed. It’s like all the stress from the last couple days has disappeared. Adam looks back at Kris, the smile still firmly on his face, “Is it okay if I kiss you? God, I need to kiss you. I was so worried you were going to tell me to go to hell when you started. I thought I was going to be sick. Please can I kiss you?” Kris laughs and pulls Adam head down to his. They are both smiling when their lips touch.

It’s a long, slow kiss, full of promise. They both sigh when their tongues slide together. A few minutes later, they break apart and Adam kisses Kris’s forehead. Kris leans his head against Adam’s shoulder and closes his eyes. He knows he’s made the right decision. Whatever happens, Kris deserves this second chance with the love of his life.

(to be continued….)


	8. Rising from the Ashes

It’s been five very long days since their dinner date and they’ve only seen each other once. It’s not for lack of trying. There‘s been plenty of phone calls and sexy text messages, but Kris is doing a lot interviews and Adam has been busy with photo shoots and rehearsals for his upcoming tour so finding time to see each other is difficult. He leaves a week after the Grammy’s and will be gone for almost two months. He can’t even remember all the countries he’s going to but he does know Kris won’t be in any of them. Adam isn’t sure Kris even knows about the tour because they don’t really discuss the future that far in advance. It will be the first separation they face as a couple. Their relationship is still so new and fragile he’s worried about how they will handle it but he‘s determined to make it work.

His cell phone vibrates and he sees it’s Kris, “Hey, handsome. What’s up?” Adam is smiling as he grabs a towel and wipes the sweat off his face.

“I‘m free the rest of the day,” Kris says, “thought I’d see if you wanted to come over.”

Adam’s excited, “Really? I thought you were busy all day.”

“I was but my schedule changed so I figured if you weren’t too busy we could hang out, watch a movie or something.”

“Love too!” Adam is all but running out the dance studio. “I’m just leaving rehearsal now. Let me take a quick shower and I’ll be over, say in about an hour. That okay?”

“That would be perfect,” Kris says. There‘s a brief silence before Kris speaks again, “I’ve missed you.”

Adam stops and closes his eyes, “I’ve missed you too baby. See you in a bit.”

“Hurry!” He hears Kris laughing when the call disconnects.

It’s the quickest ride to his Mom’s. He’s lucky he wasn’t stopped for speeding. He jumps in the shower and shaves to get rid of the stubble. He starts thinking about Kris and wonders if they will play pool, which leads to thoughts of sex, which leads to his raging hard-on. He jerks off to visions of Kris down on his knees gripping his ass to pull him in closer. After catching his breath, he finishes washing and dries off. He decides for the spiky hair look tonight and puts on his black eyeliner. He pulls out a dark blue t-shirt with a low V-neck, adds a couple of his favorite necklaces, and decides on white skinny jeans. Kris once said he looked good in white and it’s a nice change of pace. He yanks on his white boots with the rhinestones, sprays on some cologne, and heads out.

He arrives nearly ten minutes late, or on-time by Adam standards. Thankfully, Kris gave him the code for the gate so he doesn’t have to wait for someone to open it. He parks his car and checks his appearance in the rear view mirror. The front door opens before he can ring the bell.

“Hi,” Adam says softly, “long time no see.”

“Too long,” Kris murmurs before reaching up to give Adam a quick kiss. “Come on in. Katy stopped by. We’re just finishing a game of pool.”

“Hey Adam,” Katy yells in greeting. “Kris is being a sourpuss because I’m kicking his ass!”

“You wish,” Kris snorts. “She couldn’t beat a baby playing this game.” Just then Katy proceeds to sink the remaining balls and wins the game.

Kris pouts his mouth, “Lucky,” he mutters under his breath.

“Hey Adam, want to play while Kris is kind enough to serve us drinks.”

“Fine, I’ll serve.“ Kris walks over to the bar. “Do you want something Adam?”

“Whiskey would be great, on the rocks.” Adam answers. He goes to grab a cue stick from the rack. He’s feeling a little devilish tonight.

“So Katy, think you can handle me,” Adam says with grin. “I mean, I’m pretty good at handling both sticks and balls.” He glides the stick up and down against his palm.

Katy cocks a brow at him, “I’ve been told I’m not too shabby myself. Of course I don’t have as much experience with them. I mean, you’ve had access to sticks and balls all your life. Whereas, I’ve only had them my adult life so I am clearly at a disadvantage. However,” she leans her tip down, and blows at the blue chalk, “I’ll do the best I can.” Kris and Adam are laughing and she smiles. It’s amazing they can have this banter together. They are so lucky.

Adam looks at Kris and decides to tease him just a little bit. “Don’t you just love the sound of balls hitting against each other, Kris?” He sneaks a peak and sees the ghost of a smile on Kris’s face and his cheeks getting pink.

“You are too much,” Kris says over his shoulder. He places the drinks on the bar and takes a seat on the stool.

Katy’s phone goes off and she excuses herself to take the call. Adam puts the cue down and stalks over to Kris. He spreads Kris’s knees further apart so he can stand between them. He runs his hands up Kris’s thighs, over his chest, to cup his face. With their eyes locked, he leans down and licks Kris’s mouth. Kris moans and opens his mouth when Adam’s lips touch his. He pushes his legs against Adam, squeezing him. They rub their tongues together, slowly, both making noises in their throats. Adam’s thumb pushes down on Kris’s chin to open his mouth wider,, and then Adam is passionately kissing him. Kris shoves his tongue in Adam’s mouth and Adam’s teeth clamp down on it and then he is sucking the end of it. He gives Kris one last long stroke, then pulls back.

Adam’s eyes are full of lust and his voice is low, “I’ve been dying to do that since I walked in.”

“Sorry guys,” Katy says entering the room, “but it seems I’ve scored a hot date for tonight. And that comes before pool. Based on the scene I just saw between you guys, I think you would agree.” She grabs her purse off the couch. “Adam you owe me a game. I’ll see myself out.” She blows them a kiss and waves as she leaves the house.

“Something we did,” Kris laughs and Adam chuckles.

Adam steps back and sits on the adjacent stool. “So, what do you want to do? Do you want to watch a movie.”

“Sure, but can we watch one here? I don’t feel like going out.” Kris sounds tired.

“No problem. We can do whatever you want,” Adam winks at Kris.

Kris gets up and grabs his drink and Adam follows him out the room. The TV in the living room is on a wall by the pool table and it’s difficult to see from the seating area by the fireplace. They move it around for a big football game and stuff, but for something more intimate he likes the den. He goes over to the media cabinet and grabs “Ferris Bueller‘s Day Off”. Adam is sitting on one end of the couch so he lays down and rests his head on his lap. Adam strokes his hair and Kris is asleep before the opening credits are done rolling. He wakes up a few hours later, stretched out on top of Adam. Adam is sleeping and he has his arms around Kris. He burrows in deeper and wishes they were in his bed. He kisses Adam’s chest, where he can see it above the neck of the t-shirt. He places soft kisses on his neck and over his jaw. He sees Adam’s eyes flutter open and watches them come into focus.

Adam smiles, “Sorry, didn’t mean to doze off.”

Kris runs his hand on the side of Adam’s face, “It’s okay. I liked waking up in your arms.”

“Yeah,” Adam sighs, “feels right.”

Kris pulls himself up higher so he can kiss him. They sigh and squeeze each other tight. Adam turns them so they are both laying on their side and pulls Kris’s leg over his thigh. He rubs their hips together. Their kiss becomes a little more frantic. He can feel Kris’s emerging erection but he doesn’t do anything more than what he‘s already doing. He’s waiting for some sign from Kris that he‘s ready for the next step. He can wait. Just making out with Kris on the couch is enough right now. Just having him in his arms is enough right now. Kris runs his hands under Adam’s shirt to rub his nipples and Adam’s breath hitches. He runs his lips up to Kris’s ear and then sucks on his neck. All he’s done is kiss Kris and he’s as hard as stone. He knows Kris feels it because Kris removes his hand and strokes his back. They lay there for a few minutes, kissing and snuggling.

Finally Adam says, “I guess I’ve got to get going. It’s getting late and I have an early call tomorrow,”

Kris exhales, “Okay. I didn’t mean to start anything,” he’s interrupted before he can finish.

“Don’t,” Adam places a finger over Kris’s lips. “Tonight was lovely, all of it. I wouldn’t have changed anything.” He leans down and places a quick kiss.

They get up and stretch their muscles. Kris walks Adam to the door. They kiss some more and say their goodnights, with Kris telling Adam he’ll call him the next day.

Adam’s spends the drive thinking about how much time they have until he has to leave. It’s three weeks to the Grammy’s. He wants to plan a surprise romantic evening for Kris. The question is what and when. He pulls up Kris’s email when he gets to his mother’s, and consults the schedule. Perfect, Kris has a couple days cleared next week. Adam’s mind starts spinning with ideas and he gets a sly grin. He knows the perfect thing to do for Kris. Of course, convincing Kris to go along with it is another matter, but even if Kris doesn’t like it, Adam will most definitely enjoy himself. He walks to bed laughing to himself.

(to be continued....)


	9. Chapter 9

Thank God for his assistant Lane, Adam thinks two and a half weeks later as he looks around the room.  No matter how strange his requests are, she always comes through.  It may not be the romantic evening he originally wanted, and it took a few more days to put together but she did an incredible job.   He’s got everything set up in the bedroom and he’s just waiting for Kris to get home.  They’ve spent time together almost everyday, usually at Kris’s house.  Since Kris is so busy with pre-Grammy appearances, he gave Adam a key and the security code so he wouldn’t have to wait for Kris to call. He can’t believe how well everything is going,  Well except for the lack of sex but based on how steamy things have been getting that should change soon..  It’s like they went back in time to when they shared a room on Idol. They talk about everything from the state of the world topics to the latest crazy antics of celebrities.   Kris still looks at him a little apprehensively sometimes but it’s occurring less and less.   
  
Adam hears Kris drive up.  He's had a day of meetings with his managment and label.  Even if they are good they are still stressful.   He's hoping this will help him unwind. 

“Hey baby,” Adam leans down and gives Kris a quick kiss. He doesn’t look too tense and that’s a good sign that maybe Adam won’t have to coerce him as much.  Who’s he kidding?  He’s still going to have to beg Kris to go along with this.

“What a nice greeting,” Kris says around a smile. “A guy could get used to this.”

Adam chuckles then says, “Alright handsome, follow me. I’ve got a surprise for you!”  
  
Kris laughs at Adam’s excitement. “A surprise, really?” He sees they are headed for the bedroom. He says playfully, “Adam, honey, I don’t think there is anything in that particular room that would be a surprise.”  
  
Adam grins at him over his shoulder, “Oh really?” He stops and turns and walks Kris back to the wall. His voice turns husky, “You think you’ve seen it all but you have no idea what you’re in for.  You will do everything I want you to, won't you?” He lets that set in for a minute. He nips Kris’s ear and Kris tilts his head so he can kiss his neck.  Adam pulls back and there is a wicked gleam in his eyes.  
  
Kris is panting and wondering why Adam doesn’t kiss him, for real, already. Kris has the biggest case of blue balls from the last week of escalating foreplay. He’d agree to anything at this point. “Yeah, anything baby. Please just kiss me.”  
  
Adam gives him a much too quick kiss and grabs his hand to pull him into the bedroom.  Kris stops dead in his tracks.  There’s two dividing screens over by the walk-in closet.  One on each side of the door and a long narrow red carpet leading from the closet to the bed. What the heck is he up to now?  “What is all this?”

"There's a rack of clothes behind each screen.  I’m going to style you!"  This is not what Kris had in mind in the hallway.  Adam continues, "I asked Lane to get some outfits for you to try on to wear to the Grammy’s,"  Adam says as Kris shakes his head. "Baby, you only have a few days left.  Come on, it will be fun!  I even have chilled champagne,"   Adam says with so much excitement in his voice, Kris has to smile. He’s such a kid sometimes.  "Seriously, what were you going to wear?

“I was just going to wear the tux in my closet,” Kris says.

“THE tux?"  Adam rolls his eyes. " I know you only have one.  I looked and used it to get the right sizes.  Whichever outfit you chose, the designer will tailor it so it fits perfect.   You need to dazzle them at the awards!” Adam opens the champagne and pours them each a glass.  "You, my dear, are going to try on each outfit and model it down the carpet, although I prefer to think of it as a runway.  It’s so much funner that way.” He’s smiling from ear to ear imagining it. “Then I will pick three outfits from which you can choose one. I haven‘t seen anything so it will be a surprise for both of us.”

If there is one thing Kris hates worse than meetings, it’s shopping. “Come on Adam, you know I hate doing this shit.” He watches Adam’s smile disappear. He was so happy just a minute ago. “Fine, for you I’ll do this but you’re going to owe me big time.” The smile is back and Kris can’t help smiling in return.  
  
At least he can keep the same white shirt on and doesn't have to worry about shoes.  He feels so foolish at first but Adam is clearly enjoying himself.  Seems the third one so far is his favorite.  
  
"Man you look so hot in those pants.  Damn, your ass looks amazing," Adam says.  Kris doesn't know what's so awesome about it but all that matters is Adam thinks it.  He makes Kris turn around, "Yeah, this is definitely going on the list."    
  
After the fifth outfit and second glass of champagne, he's finally relaxed and having fun.  He feels kinda sexy parading in front of Adam like this. 

A half an hour later, he’s not so sure. He’s holding up the pants and wondering what they are doing with the clothes.  He can't wear this!  It's not a tux and certainly not his style at all.  Then a lightbulb goes off.  He grins thinking of Adam‘s expression when he sees these.  Oh this is going to be good.  Payback time.   He can't get the outfit on fast enough.  
  
"I'm not so sure about this one," Kris says from behind the screen.  He's trying to sound nervous but he doesn't think his succeeding.     
  
"Honey, you just come out here and let me be the judge," Adam answers back.  
  
"Okay, here goes."  
  
Kris turns the corner and struts down the carpet and has the pleasure of watching Adam's jaw drop.  His face is in complete shock.  It gives him a boost of confidence.  He stops in front of Adam and does a slow turn, grinning over his shoulder, before facing Adam again.  He puts his hands on his hips and asks, "Well, what do you think?"  
  
Adam knows he's gawking but he can't help it.  Kris is wearing a pair of dark blue low-rise leather pants.  To say they are skin tight is an understatement.  There are three large silver snaps that look ready to pop, straining against his groin.  The pants are sprinkled with what looks like silver glitter, not in an over-the-top way but in a rock-star way.   They shine bright when the light hits them.   Kris, feeling naughty, has foregone the white shirt but he's wearing a matching short blue vest that fits snug around his waist.   It has three matching snaps and it lines up perfectly with the snaps on the pants.  There's a matching skinny tie tucked into the vest.    
  
All Adam wants to do is unwrap the present in front of him.  He doesn't think Kris has ever looked hotter.  His strong, toned arms are displayed to perfection.  He wants him and a shiver runs down his spine just thinking about it.  He watches a snap on the pants move and he closes his eyes and groans.  If a snap pops open, he won't be responsible for his actions.    
  
Kris's voice is low, "See anything you like?"  
  
Adam can only nod and lick his lips.  He looks at Kris like he wants to ravish him.    
  
Kris steps closer.  "Undress me," he whispers.  He takes Adam's hand and moves it to the top snap.  Adam opens his hand over Kris's penis and palms him, putting pressure from the heel of his hand on his balls.  He lifts his hand and one finger trails down the snaps.  Adam leans forward and rubs his cheek up and down against Kris's erection.  Adam lifts his head and unsnaps his vest.   He spreads it wide and runs his hand up and over his chest, grazing his nipples.  He feels Kris's shudder under his hands.  Kris grabs Adam's hands and returns them to his pants.  He almost comes in his jeans when he sees Kris is bare underneath. Kris's cock hops a little once it's free and Adam watches it stretch and grow. He blows on the head and hears Kris whimper. He takes Kris in his mouth and they both groan deep in their throats.   
  
Kris's fingers tighten in Adam's hair. "Aw fuck yeah," Kris breathes, "feels so fucking good."   
  
Adam reaches around and grabs Kris's ass and pulls him in close. He opens his mouth wider and takes Kris all in then pulls back and sucks on him hard. Kris's knees buckle and he would have fell if Adam wasn't holding him so tight. Too soon Adam pulls off to peel Kris's pants down.   
  
"I want you naked under me," Adam says hoarsely. "I need to feel your skin against mine."  Kris's response is to rip his vest and tie off. Adam stands and turns.  "Get on the bed," he demands and Kris scrambles to obey.   
  
Adam quickly undresses while Kris gets situated against the pillows. Kris wonders if Adam knows what a beautiful person he is.  Adam walks to the side of the king sized bed, kneels and crawls over to Kris. He leans down to take Kris in his mouth again. Adam's knees are to the side of Kris's head, his ass up in the air as he leans over Kris. Kris rubs his hands down Adams thigh. He reaches over to put his open mouth on the outside of Adams leg. Adam swallows him to the base and Kris can feel Adam’s nose on his balls. Kris needs more. He grabs Adams leg and moves it over so he's straddling Kris's head. Adam looks back and wonders how he’s is going to manage to blow him like this. Kris's hands stroke his ass then spreads him wide. Before his mind can grasp what's going on, Kris is licking him.   
  
"Jesus Christ," Adam says in awe. Kris has never done this before. He feels the hot breath from Kris's moan and can't stop his hips from moving, trying to get whatever friction he can find. Goosebumps rise on his flesh and he shivers when he feels Kris's wet finger sliding inside him. A drop of moisture falls on Kris's chest.   
  
"Fuck me," Adam yells and rocks against Kris's finger. Kris kisses the skin by his hole and inserts another finger.  He gently strokes him.  After a few seconds, he withdraws his finger and thrusts his tongue deep in Adam. Adam licks his palm and starts stroking Kris. They are both breathing hard, thrusting their hips. Kris pulls down on Adam so his tongue is as deep as it can go and flicks it. Adam screams Kris's name when he comes. His muscles quivering and hips moving against whatever skin he can reach. A few seconds later he swallows Kris when he comes, making sure he sucks him dry. Adam collapses on the bed and lays on his back, trying to calm his raging heartbeat.  He laughs thinking how quickly he came.  He also thinks he needs to give Lane a giant raise. He hears Kris's chuckle and lifts up on an elbow to look at him. He's stretched out with one leg bent outward, his penis laying soft. His eyes are closed and an arm is thrown over his face. He places a kiss on Kris's thigh and moves around so he is leaning over Kris .  He moves the arm from Kris's  face and runs a hand down the side of it. He kisses him softly and lifts his head. He’s thinking  he’d be happy spending eternity looking at him, when  Kris opens his eyes.   
  
"Well," Adam says once Kris makes eye contact, "that was new."   
  
Kris knows what Adam's talking about and he can feel his face heat up.  "Yeah, um, was it okay?"  He's feeling a little uncertain.  
  
Adam's eyes widen a little, "Okay?  Stupid question considering I came all over the place and you didn't even touch my dick."  
  
Kris feels a big smile split his face. "Good," he says "it's something I always wanted to do to you."  
  
"So, why didn't you."  Adam says bluntly.  
  
Kris stutters and closes his eyes so he won't have to look at him, "Well, I don't know."  He thinks for a minute and shrugs, "I guess I was just afraid of doing something wrong or something you wouldn't like"  
  
Adam remembers Kris saying something about this when Adam first told him the truth.  How could Kris not know what he does to him?  He turns him on with just a glance.    
    
"Kris," Adam whispers, "look at me."  He waits for Kris's eyes to meet his.  "I was never disappointed with you.  I was always sexually satisfied."  He sees the blush on Kris's face and knows he's embarrassed but this is important and needs to be discussed.  "Never, ever feel like you have to hold back, on anything.  You know me, I'm not shy.  I'll tell you what I like and don't like."    
  
A thought suddenly occurs to Adam.  "Were there things you wanted me to do that I didn't do?"  
  
Kris looks away, "No," he answers.

Adam knows he lying.  He never once thought Kris wasn't happy with their sex life.  He always wondered why Kris believed the cheating story so easily and now he thinks he knows why.  If Kris wasn't satisified, its safe to think he assumed Adam wasn't either.  Adam's angry at himself for not discussing this before.    
  
"I know you're lying," Adam states.  "How am I supposed to know you want something if you don't tell me?"    
  
Kris is quiet and just looking at Adam.  Adam rubs his hand down Kris's chest and pleads quietly, "talk to me."  
  
Kris takes a deep breath and says, "It's nothing, really.  I was happy before too.  It’s just fantasies.   Everyone has them.  Even you do."  
  
Adam nods, "Yes I do but I tell you them.  Look, maybe I can make them come true but I can't if I don't even know about them."  He leans down and places a kisses on Kris's lips.  "What are they baby," he asks softly.   
  
Kris sighs and tells him.  Adam grins wide and says, "Oh yeah.  We can definitely do that."


	10. Rising from the Ashes

Adam’s impatiently waiting for Kris to arrive at the dance studio. The Grammy’s are two days away and between Kris’s scheduled appearances afterwards, and Adams final rehearsals for the tour, they are not going to have much time alone. God, he’s going to miss him so much. His heart aches just thinking about it but there are phones, texts and Skype. He doesn’t know how artists survived years ago before all this technology. Kris seemed confident they will be fine when they discussed it last night, but Adam still worries. He knows Kris doesn’t fully trust him yet. He isn’t even ready to be seen in public together. Outside of Angelino’s that first night, they haven’t gone to a restaurant, club, anywhere. They usually hang out at Kris’s or at a very close friend’s place. He was hurt when Kris casually mentioned something about Katy’s dress for the awards. He wasn’t expecting to be Kris‘s date, (talk about a public first appearance!), but it would be nice if Kris would’ve at least talked to Adam about it. He figures the day Kris wants to be seen with him is the day they will turn the corner. He knows it will happen. He just doesn’t know when.

He hears a loud bang at the door and goes to meet Kris. He looks at the clock and sees they have an hour before Kris’s next shoot.

Kris looks anxious as he enters, “Are you okay?” Adam told him it was urgent he see Kris today between appointments but he didn’t explain specifics.

“I’m fine but we have to hurry,” Adam says as he locks the door. He pulls Kris to the center of the room. Three walls are covered in mirrors and there are two levels of ballet bars against the front one. Kris notices a chair in the middle of the room with a small bowl underneath it. Adam stops by the chair and starts stripping Kris.

Kris swats Adam’s hands, “What are you doing?”

Adam chuckles, “I’m undressing you.”

“Adam, I don’t have time. We have all night.” Kris’s words do nothing to stop Adam.

Kris’s shirt is already off and Adam is working on his jeans. Kris tries to stop Adam’s hands yet again. “Adam,” he says more forcefully, “come on, if you’re that horny why didn’t you just take care of it yourself? It’s only another couple of hours until I’m free.” Kris is getting frustrated. It isn’t that he doesn’t want Adam all the time, he just doesn’t understand why he can’t wait a couple of hours. Especially now given how hectic his schedule is today.

“Kris, baby, how can I fulfill a fantasy if you aren’t cooperating.” Adam asks.

Kris’s mind goes blank for a moment and he really looks around the room again, taking in everything and understanding it’s meaning now. He licks his lips and rubs the back of his neck and blushes a little bit. Before he knows it, he’s down to just his boxers.

“Sit,” Adam commands as he pushes Kris down onto the chair. “This is a little different for me so I’m a tad nervous,” Adam admits. He strips off his shirt and pulls off his pants. He’s left standing in just a pair of tight black 2Xists underwear. “I mean I’ve done this on stage hundreds of times,” he continues, “but never for an audience of one and in my underwear.” He chuckles and walks over to the stereo. He pauses in front of it, his back to Kris, his head bent forward. He rubs his hands down his thighs and leans down to turn on the music.

Kris hears the unmistakable sounds of the guitar and he’s getting hard just thinking about what’s coming next. Adam sways his body to the soulful beat, then he turns around and looks at Kris, his eyes blazing and starts his performance. “You need cooling and baby I’m not fooling,” he continues singing in a low voice while stalking to Kris.

Kris has imagined this since he first saw Adam perform  _Whole Lotta Love_ acoustically. He would never admit the number of times he’s woken up in a sweat from this dream. Now it’s a reality and Kris is rendered speechless, motionless. He licks his lips when Adam stops in front of him.

Adam leans down and runs a finger down Kris’s chest as he sings, “Way down inside…” and he straddles the chair and grabs Kris’s head in his hands. “Honey you need,” Adam growls.

God, Adam’s voice is pure sex. Kris can’t breathe, can’t do anything but stare into those bottomless, blue eyes.

  
Adam rubs his cock against Kris’s chest and whispers, “I’m gonna give you all my love, gonna give you my love,” Kris groans and grabs Adam’s ass. “You wanna whole lotta love,” Adam whispers in Kris’s ear as he rubs their cocks together. He rolls his head and grinds against Kris. His eyes snap open, “You wanna whole lotta love.” He pushes off Kris and walks behind the chair. Kris follows his movements in the mirror.

“You need a whole lotta love,” his emphasis on the word need makes Kris run his hand down his own chest and he strokes himself through his boxers. He’s panting loudly and staring at Adam.

Adam reaches over from behind and runs his hands on Kris shoulders, down his chest and back up, all the while singing, “You’ve been yearning, and baby I’ve been yearning,” He walks to stand in front of Kris again. Kris can’t take his eyes off Adam. Adam rubs his hands all over his own body, hips swaying to the music, eyes closed “All those good times, baby ,baby….” Adam is lost in the song, the meaning of the words and he shoves a hand under his underwear and strokes, “Way down inside, honey you need,…”

“Oh God,” Kris groans. Adam lost in his own passion is the most erotic thing Kris has ever seen. So much better than his fantasy. Adam is oozing sex from every pore in his body and Kris wants to devour him.

Adam pulls his cock out and strokes, “I’m gonna give you every inch of my love…” He straddles Kris backwards, leans forward and grinds his ass hard on Kris. He looks at Kris over his shoulder and asks, “You wanna whole lotta love?”

“YES,” Kris screams out. Fuck he’s so turned on right now. Adam leans back against Kris and pulls his arms around and covers his cock with Kris hand. They wiggle as they stroke Adam together. Adam is moaning and Kris doesn’t care if it’s because it’s a part of the song or if it’s because of what they are doing. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so turned on in his life. He bites Adam’s neck.

Adam stands up and turns and pulls Kris mouth to his cock, “You’ve been yearning…” Kris takes Adam into his mouth and Adam throws his head back and groans. He’s pulling and pushing Kris’s head, fucking his mouth. Adam whispers hoarsely, “gonna give you every inch of my love” while Kris takes him deep and Adam can feel the back of his throat. Then he’s done singing, too lost in a blaze of passion.

“I need you inside me,” Adam’s voice is so husky. He steps back and reaches down for the condom and lube from the bowl under the chair. He lifts Kris off the chair and kisses him passionately, wrapping his tongue around Kris’s then biting Kris’s bottom lip before licking it and kissing him again. He walks them backwards until he hits one of the bars on the mirror. He covers Kris with the condom and drenches him with lube. He turns and bends over, leaning his arms on the bar. He looks back at Kris and says, “You’re gonna give me every inch of your love.” He scoots back so Kris’s cock is rubbing along his ass.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck,” is all Kris’s manages to say before he is entering Adam. He squeezes Adam’s cheeks and, damn, it feels so incredible.

“Come on baby, fuck me,” Adam begs.

Kris grips Adam’s hips and pulls out before slamming back in, setting a hard and fast rhythm. “You want me fuck you?” Kris doesn’t even recognize his own voice. He pulls at Adam’s hair. Kris watches Adam’s face in the mirror. There’s a bead of sweat sliding from his temple, across his face, and down his neck. All Kris wants to do is lick it. Instead he brings both hands to Adam’s hips again and sets a rougher pace.

“Jesus!” Adam is breathing and moaning and driving Kris crazy. “Harder, baby,” Adam says and he reaches down with one hand to stroke himself. “Oh God, yes, just like that,” pant, pant, “don’t stop, God don’t stop. Fuck, I‘m gonna come,” Adam says right before Kris feels the shudder run through Adam’s body.

Kris can feel the sweat dripping down his own face. He tightens his ass and almost lifts Adam off the floor with his last stroke. He squeezes his hands on Adam’s hips and releases a long, drawn out moan as he comes. He drops down on Adam’s back, completely bone dead, arms dangling down.

“Holy shit,” Kris says shortly after, “I think I’m dead.” He kisses the small of Adam’s back.

“You have any more fantasies you want to share?”

Kris laughs loudly, “I don’t think I could survive anymore.”

Adam chuckles and looks at Kris in the mirror. They smile at each other before Kris pulls out and goes to the bathroom to clean up. He looks like he just walked out of a porn movie but he doesn’t care. Adam follows him in carrying a bag. He hands Kris the bag.

“Change of clothes. I thought you might need some just in case,” he says.

Adam washes himself up as Kris gets dressed. Kris’s heart turns over in his chest. Such a simple gesture but yet speaks volumes. He kisses Adam and hugs him tight.

“Now go,” Adam says, “before you’re late.”

Kris chuckles and leans up to kiss him again, “I love you,” he says to Adam. They both know how the other feels although neither has said the words out loud, but Kris can’t keep them inside anymore. He wants to make sure Adam knows how much he means to him.

Adam’s face lights up and he takes Kris’s face in his hands, “I love you too,” he says quietly and watches Kris’s smile. He gives Kris a hard but quick kiss and says, “Now go before you start complaining I made you late.”  He turns him around and slaps him on the ass.  He watches as Kris leaves and thinks his life is just about perfect. 


	11. Rising from the Ashes

 Adam's relaxing on the bed watching Kris get ready.  He can't believe how lucky he is that Kris has given them a second chance.   As much as he loved being with Kris the first time around, he feels like they are on a different level than before.  He's not worried about Kris freaking out anymore.  He's not worried about what anyone thinks of them.    He just knows they were meant to be, instead of hoping they were meant to be.   And the sex!  It's the best he's ever had in his life.  He didn't notice it before but they were each holding out, afraid of pushing the other person too far.   They concluded it was probably because, before, everything was all new to Kris.   Adam didn't want to scare him off and Kris was afraid of not being enough for Adam.  That's something else too.  They talk about everything and don't try to shield each other from their thoughts.   Oh, they have their disagreements but they work through them instead of bottling them up.      
  
Kris walks out of the bathroom and Adam's face lights up.    
  
"Oh honey, you look really good,"  Adam says as he stands and walks over to him.    
  
Kris laughs, "You should think that since you picked out the outfit."  
  
"I should dress you all the time," Adam teases.  
  
Kris looks at the freckle on Adam's bottom lip.  "I think you should undress me all the time,"  Kris whispers.  
  
"Hmmmm," Adam kisses him and replies, "Later.  I promise."     
  
"I'm nervous," Kris admits.  "I mean, I know I tell everyone it's just an awards show, but,"  he blows out a breath, "it's from the people in the business, you know?"  
  
Adam does know and he can only imagine how he's feeling.  He hugs Kris tight.  "Baby, tell you what.  How about you keep your phone in your pocket and hold it tight right before they announce the winners?    It will be like I'm there with you," he says quietly.  
  
Kris nods and then rubs his neck.  Adam doesn't know why he loves that gesture so much.  "I'm sorry for being such a coward about this."    
  
"You aren't a coward and besides if I went with you all the news stories would be about us instead of  you winning.  I want tonight to be all about you.  There will be other awards shows later."   
  
"I love you so much," Kris says forcefully.  He pulls Adam down, twines his hands around Adam's neck and gives him a passionate kiss.  Adam crushes him to his chest.  He runs his hands down Kris's back and grabs his ass and squeezes.  Kris groans and shoves his hands through Adam's hair.  He wraps a leg around Adam's calf and slides it up and down and rubs his cock against Adam's thigh for a few seconds before Adam suddenly pulls away.   
  
"Stop," he says, "We have to stop."  He's breathing heavy and fighting the urge to throw Kris on the bed and eat him alive.  "You're going to be late."    
  
Kris takes a deep breath and a few moments later his eyes clear from the fog, "Yeah, you're right.  I'll be back right after the show.  I'm not going to any of the post-parties. You'll be here right?"  
  
Adam runs a hand up and down Kris arm in a soothing gesture, "I'll be here but you should go out and celebrate.  It's a big night for you."    
  
"Honestly, I just want to celebrate with you.  We can have our own little private party," he strokes Adam's chest, "Just the two of us."    
  
"Anything you want,"  Adam whispers.    
  
An hour later Adam is watching red carpet arrivals via the online stream.  He's so proud of Kris he feels like his heart is just going to burst from his chest.   Kris is so humble and has such a great sense of humor during the interviews.  He has a smile a mile wide when he watches what unfolds on the carpet. 

Someone asks him who his date is and Kris said he's flying solo tonight.  The female reporter offers herself as a date and Kris laughs.  Without thinking,  he says, "I don't think my boyfriend would approve."     
  
She jumps all over that slip, "Boyfriend? Well, who is he and why isn't he here with you?"    
  
Kris's smile falters, "Ummm," he stutters not sure what to say and then uses Adam's words, "he wanted tonight to be about me and knew if I brought him the press would pounce for details."  The more he talks the more confident he gets. "And you just proved his point," he laughs and the reporter laughs with him. Then he shrugs and says honestly, "I'm not ready to share him with everyone just yet."  She jokes about him being mysterious.  Then he is moved on to the next one on the carpet.   He's asked more questions about his personal life:  No he isn't single, yes he has a boyfriend,  yes, he's very happy, and so forth, and then he's ushered inside.    
  
Adam can't believe Kris told everyone he had a boyfriend.  He must know the press will be prying now.  Granted, he didn't give his name but it's a step forward.   He can't wait to watch the awards.  He goes to the bar and makes himself a drink then settles on the couch to watch the awards on the big screen TV in the den.    Thank God Kris has satellite otherwise he'd have to settle for some grainy, live stream on the web.   The camera pans to Kris when they announce the nominations for the first award he's up for.  He watches Kris fidget when they show him in the audience and wishes he was there holding his hand.   He doesn't win and although Adam's disappointed, he can relax now.  He didn't realize how tense he was in those few minutes.  
  
Kris ends up winning two awards.  The first for male pop performance.  The second for album of the year and, when they announced his name, Adam jumps up off the couch and screams at the ceiling while pumping his fist in the air.  He watches Kris walk up the stairs and over to get the award.  There are a few people on the stage saying their thanks and starting their speeches and Kris is hanging in the back.  What he sees next makes him sit completely still and he feels a tear leak out of one eye.  For there, behind the producer, he sees Kris take his phone out of his pocket, kiss it gently and hold it over his heart.   He runs his finger over Kris's face and feels his own heart melt.   
  
He can't wait for Kris to get home.  He's pacing in the hallway when he hears him pull up. Before Kris can get to the top step, the door is flown open and Adam is striding out.  He doesn't say anything, just picks him up and covers his mouth.  Kris wraps his legs around Adam's waist and Adam turns around and walks them into the house.  He kicks the door shut and leans his back against it, never losing contact with Kris's mouth.  He wants to crawl inside him.  He can't get close enough.  He knows he's being a little rough but he can't help it.   His licks across Kris's lips, his jaw, and nibbles on his ear.    
  
"God, I love you.  So, so much," Adam whispers into Kris's ear.    
  
Kris shivers and responds by sucking on Adam's neck.  He leans his head back and looks Adam in the eye and says, "Make love to me."    
  
Adam walks them to the bedroom, strips Kris and throws him on the bed.  He's still fully clothed when he leans over Kris.  His head is right over Kris's cock and he runs a hand over it before taking him in his mouth.  Kris bucks his hips and buries his hands in Adam's hair.  He loves the feel of Adam's hair through his fingers.  It's so thick and silky and makes Kris just want to wrap his hands in it and hold it tight.   The long slide of Adam's tongue up the length of him, makes him moan.   Kris gives himself over to the feeling of Adam's mouth surrounding him, the feeling of cool breath against feverish skin, and the feeling of the rough cotton of Adam's jeans against his thigh.

Adam stops and tells Kris, "Turn over baby."  
  
Kris rolls over and gets on his knees, ass in the air, the side of his head laying flat on the bed and his arms thrown over his head gripping the covers tight.  Adam spreads his cheeks and gently blows air over Kris.  Kris's cock jumps and he pulls on the covers.  Then he feels Adam's tongue licking him, stroking him and driving him insane.  He moves his hips up and down, rubbing himself against the flat of Adam's tongue.    
  
"God, that feels so fucking good," Kris drools into the covers.    
   
Adam's moan is his only response.   He stops and wets a finger and inserts into Kris, and licks a line up Kris's ass.  He slides it in and out and then quickly inserts a second one.    
  
"Come on baby, fuck my fingers,"  Adam demands roughly.  Kris rocks back and forth on Adam's fingers.  Watching his fingers disappear and reappear in Kris is turning him crazy.   Adam's cock is so hard in his pants.   He stands up and unbuttons and unzips his jeans.  He pulls his cock out and strokes it.   He reaches into the nightstand and  grabs the condom, rolls it on, then lubes himself and Kris.  Then he's inside and they both moan in unison.   Adam doesn't move, just stays buried for a minute, loving the feel of Kris surrounding him.  Kris is leaning on his elbows and he's wiggling his hips to get Adam to move but Adam doesn't obey.  He looks at the line of Kris's back and runs a hand up it and grips his shoulder.  Then he slides in and out, the hand at the shoulder holding Kris in place.  He watches Kris bring a hand down to his own cock.   It doesn't take long until they both climax, screaming and moaning out each other’s name.   
  
It isn't until afterwards that Adam realizes he's still dressed and he shakes his head.  It's a mystery to Adam how Kris can make him lose control so easily.   He softly touches the red marks on Kris's ass from the zipper of his jeans before he gets up and walks to the bathroom.  He discards the condom and strips down.  He washes himself, wets a cloth for Kris and cleans him up too.  Then he crawls into bed behind Kris and cuddles him.  He softly kisses him on the shoulder.    
  
"I'm so proud of you baby,"   Adam says into Kris's neck.  He feels Kris squeeze his hand.  
  
"You should have been with me tonight,"  he admits and he feels Adam give him a quick hug.   He rolls over to look into Adam's face. " You don't know how much I missed you.  I was wrong not taking you."   
  
Adam strokes a hand over Kris's hair.  He looks Kris in the eye and tells him gently, "But I was with you.  I'll always be with you even when we're apart."   They kiss softly and make love again before falling asleep in each other’s arms.    
  
It wasn't until the next day when Kris saw the firestorm of his words on the red carpet.  Gossip sites and entertainment shows were all speculating on who the new man in Kris's life might be.   Paparazzi were staked outside his gate.  He was at his management's office doing interviews when he quickly called Adam during a break.  He told him about the cameras outside his house and about his publicist getting hounded by reporters asking for exclusives.  Adam joked they will be disappointed to find out it isn't a new man after all.   He tells Kris not to worry.  His tour rehearsals are done and everything has been sent overseas so he can hang at Kris's house.  Adam calls Lane and asks her to get his luggage together, which she is more than willing to do.    
  
However, after a few days Adam is going stir crazy.  Kris is hardly home during the day because of his hectic schedule and Adam is getting antsy for his upcoming trip.  It's the last night he and Kris will spend together.  He's leaving late the following night.  They were going to have dinner with his mother and Katy before he was to leave, but  he decides to cook Kris a nice romantic meal for just the two of them instead.  He asks Katy to pick up a few things at the store.  She arrives later that day and, as she struggles with the door, she drops the bags on the porch and everything falls out.  Adam sees her through the window and opens the door to help her out.      
  
Just like that, in the blink of an eye, the identity of Kris Allen's new boyfriend is revealed.


	12. Rising from the Ashes

A few hours later, Adam is busy preparing marinated steak and roasted potatoes.  He only has a couple hours for the marinating but he hopes it's enough.   Katy's just left after spending the afternoon with him. They laughed so much and had such a great time.  He wants dinner to be perfect but he admits he's not a master chef so Katy stayed to offer her assistance. 

Just then the front door bangs open and Katy comes running inside screaming, "Omigod, Omigod, Omigod," over and over.    
  
Adam knows instantly something is very wrong.  Is she okay?  Did she crash the car?  "What's wrong," Adam asks as he grabs her arms and holds her still.  
  
"Adam they know," she whispers.  She sees his blank look on his face.  She presses on, "The cameramen, they know it's you.  They know you're here.  There are cameras everywhere.  It's like a little army at the gate.  I knew something was up when I saw them all."  
  
"What," Adam asks.  He shakes his head to clear it.   "How?"  
  
"They saw you help me when I dropped the bags,"  she starts crying. She felt sick to her stomach when she saw the picture they were shoving against the gate.  It just happened a little while ago. How did they get there so fast? "They were yelling questions at me, asking me how long you've been back together,  if you're living here now.  I didn't even open the gate, just drove back up the driveway.  God, I'm so sorry, we didn't think.  Oh no, what will Kris say?  What will he do?"  
  
He hugs Katy.  "Shhhhh," he says softly.  "They were bound to find out.  It's not the end of the world.  It's just sooner than we expected."   His heart is beating a mile a minute.  This is not how Kris wanted this to happen.    
  
He grabs her hand and brings her into the kitchen. "Sit," he orders and pours her a glass of wine.  "Guess we better call Kris," he says. He grabs his phone off the counter. Sure enough all the calls he ignored while getting dinner ready were from Kris, his mom, his publicist, basically everyone who has Adam's number.  
  
Kris answers on the first ring and the first words out of his mouth are, "What the fuck were you thinking?"  
  
Adam's taken aback.  "Umm, I was thinking of helping Katy.   Oh and hi to you too."   He can understand Kris being upset but it's not like Adam purposely did this.  He doesn't have to act like an asshole to him.  
  
"Jesus, Adam, this is exactly what I didn't want to happen," Kris shouts into the phone.  ""Where the fuck have you been anyway? I've been calling you and calling you. God damnit, how could you be so stupid."  
  
Adam feels his whole body freeze.  This isn't Kris he's talking to.  This is some angry version of Kris he doesn't recognize.   He lets Kris keep venting, letting it all out.  It's not pretty and Adam isn't going to pretend he's not hurt by some of what Kris is saying.  Finally, he hears Kris get control.    
  
"Fuck, I'm such an asshole," Kris says into the phone.  
  
"Yeah you are," Adam responds bitterly.  
  
"I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have taken it all out on you but I got scared when I couldn't get a hold of you.  I really needed to talk to you and you weren’t around so I just started freaking out."  Kris keeps apologizing and Adam lets him.  Adam’s own temper cools and he decides a fight isn’t what he wants.   
  
"Kris, it's going to be okay.  I know we wanted it to come out on our own terms but it wasn't going to stay a secret forever.  Can you come home now," Adam asks.  "Please.  I need to see you and hold you and kiss you." He needs to touch Kris and reassure himself everything really is going to be okay.  
  
"Yeah, I need that too. So much.  I was going to come home earlier but I didn’t know if you were there. I'm leaving now," Kris says.  
  
"Okay, just be prepared.  Katy said there's a small army at the gate," he winks to where Katy is sitting.  "So make sure you're wearing a coat of armor."   He hears Kris's laugh through the phone and he smiles.  Sure Kris freaked and lashed out but he calmed down and there is no way Adam is going to let this latest storm come between them.    
  
He and Katy talk for a little bit and Katy informs Adam that Kris is different this time.  She thinks everything will be okay.  She's feeling better after the glass of wine and decides to leave again.  She jokes that maybe her car will slip and accidently drive over a toe.  
  
Kris arrives a short time later.   Adam's first thought is that he looks so tired.  He walks over and hands Kris a glass of wine.  Kris gulps the whole thing down and drops the empty glass on the hall table.     
  
"Maybe I should fix something stronger," Adam suggests.   
  
Kris is shaking his head, "No.  It's your last night here and I don't want to spend it in a fog."  He leans forward and rests his head against Adam's chest and wraps his arms around his waist.  "I was such a jerk on the phone.  I was afraid you wouldn't be here when I arrived."  He rubs his cheek up and down a little bit. 

Adam rubs his back and kisses his head, "It's okay.  I think history has shown I can act like a super jerk too.  And I'm not going anywhere.  I left here once without you and it's going to take more than you hollering at me to get me to do that again."   He pulls Kris away and asks, "Are you hungry?  I have steaks marinating."  
  
"Can we shower first?  I need to wash the dirt of today off me and I need to worship your body.  It's the least I can do.  You can consider it my punishment."  
  
Adam laughs, "Well, honey, if that's your punishment, you need to yell at me more often."   Adam leans down and kisses him, “We’re in this together you know.”

“Yes, I know,” Kris answers.  
  
They shower together, washing each other slowly, sharing lazy kisses.  Kris needs this so badly.  The future looked so bright yesterday and now it seems so empty.  It won't be forever he knows, but he still can't help but feel things are going to be different somehow.  Adam lays down on the bed and Kris climbs on top of him.  He puts his forearms on either side of Adam's head and leans down to nibble on the freckle on Adam's lip.   He kisses Adam's open mouth, stroking his tongue.  He loves the molding of their lips together.  Kissing Adam is like taking a ride through paradise.  It takes him to a beautiful place where he feels sexy and strong.  It makes him want to give Adam everything on a silver platter.     
  
"You're so beautiful," Kris whispers.  Adam opens his eyes and looks at Kris.   Without losing eye-contact, Kris takes his right hand and strokes Adam's cheek.  He sticks his finger in Adam's mouth and rubs it along his lips, making them all shiny.  He caresses his neck and slides his hand down his arm then clasps their hands together.  Kris brings their joint hands to his mouth and kisses it.  Then he lays Adam's arm above his head and holds it with his left hand.   Staring into Adam's eyes while caressing his body is such an intimate act.  In that moment, it's like they are looking into each other's souls and becoming one being.  He runs his fingers over Adam's nipple and Adam licks his lips.  He keeps going lower, running a finger through the hair on his chest, over his stomach, and the light sprinkling of hair surrounding his penis.  He takes Adam into his hand and watches his eyes go darker and his breathing get heavier.  He rubs the moisture off the top and sucks it off his finger.   He hears Adam's breath catch before he grabs him again and squeezes.  Adam starts to close his eyes and tilt his head back.  
  
"No,' Kris says, "Eyes open.  I want to watch you when you come."   He can feel Adam's cock move in his hand and his hips rise but he opens his eyes.  His own cock feels so heavy.  He rubs it against Adam's side to ease the ache.    
  
"You make me so hard," Adam says,  "God, I want you so much, all the time."    
  
Kris speeds up his hand and watches the emotions churn in Adam's eyes.  He feels so connected to him in this moment.    He can tell Adam's close.  He licks his palm and strokes him again, a little harder and faster than before.  The sound of his wet hand stroking Adam's hard cock echoes in the room.   
  
"Yeah, baby," Kris whispers.  He tightens his hold on the hand he's holding above Adam's head.  He starts sliding his own cock against Adam to the rhythm of his hand strokes.   Adam bites down on his lower lip and starts pumping his hips.   "Give it to me.  I want to feel it all over my hand," and he quickens his own hip thrusts against the side of Adam's stomach.   He leans down and gives him a quick kiss, never closing his eyes.  He watches Adam's tongue touch his bottom lip and he groans.    
  
Adam grabs Kris's ass with his free arm and pushes him harder against him.  They are panting loudly and Adam feels his body tense and he climaxes hard.  Kris sees Adam's eyes go molten and pumps him faster and faster, getting every last drop out of him.  Then he takes himself in his hand and comes in a couple of strokes.    
  
He rests his forehead on Adam's and then rubs their noses together.  
  
Adam whispers, "That was incredible."  
  
"Yeah, it was," Kris answers and kisses Adam's cheek and then his mouth.  "Now we can eat," he says and smiles at Adam's laugh.  
  
They discuss what they are going to say to the press and have a disagreement about it.  Adam thinks they should just come out with it since the pictures are going to be everywhere.    
  
"The pictures are already out there," Adam says.  "I mean, I have to leave sometime.  The car is going to come and they will see me sitting in it.  Or do you have some master plan for me to escape?"  Adam knows he's being sarcastic but Kris must realize the cat's out of the bag.  He already told the world he had a boyfriend.  He doesn't understand why Kris is still hesitant to say anything.    
  
"It will only make it worse," Kris states.  "If we release some joint statement they won't leave me alone."    
  
"No, they will be bad at first but it will die down.  Trying to be coy is just going to make everyone want to be the first to snap the picture or get the soundbite. "    
  
Kris is shaking his head, "I disagree.  Besides you'll be gone and I have to leave for New York in the morning to meet with producers and songwriters so I won't even be in town.   Other celebrities can say "no comment" so why can't we?"    
  
Adam wants to tell him "because they aren't gay" but he refrains. He remembers how bad the press was after Idol when everyone was speculating on his sexuality.  No, it won't get better if they ignore it.  It will get worse.   "Fine, we'll do it your way, but we need to communicate  with each other if it is getting too hard to handle."  Kris nods his agreement.    
  
Before they know it, Adam's car arrives to pick him up.  They make a promise to talk every day, at least once, no matter the time zone differences.  They kiss deeply and whisper words of love and then Adam's gone and Kris is alone.  God, these months can't go by fast enough Kris thinks to himself.    
  
He sees video from TMZ of Adam  leaving his house , head down, trying to hide his face and a part of Kris is angry at himself for doing that to him.  He sees video of Adam at the airport, swarmed by people screaming his name and Adam just smiles for the cameras, signs a few autographs and refuses to answer questions.   Later that night Adam tells him not to worry. He's used to that in other countries, just not in the US.  
  
Kris is greeted by a throng of cameras as he enters LAX to catch his flight to New York the next day.  They are shouting at him, asking him if Adam is as good in bed as before, if he's just using Adam to get back at him, if Adam can deepthroat.  That last one is vicious and vile and said with the sole purpose of getting a reaction shot, which it does.  Kris reaches out and rips a camera out of the guys hands and slams it to the floor.  Of course his portion of the event is caught on video and goes viral on the internet.   It should be illegal for people to say those things but instead Kris is the one who looks bad.     
  
His only bright spot in New York is his dinner with Brad where Brad offers him some advice on how to handle the media.  Brad thinks they should throw some glitter on everyone's camera so they won't work.  Kris hasn't laughed so hard in a long time.  He needed it and it was nice to sit down with someone who is close to Adam.  Makes Kris feels like he's that much closer to him.   
  
Adam asks Kris how he's doing when they talk later that night.  
  
"I'm fine.  Miss you."  He's lying.  He's not fine, not even close but he'll survive.    
  
"Liar," Adam whispers.  "I saw the video.  You can't let them get to you baby.  Maybe you should take a vacation and get away.  Somewhere away from New York and LA.  Somewhere with no internet, or TV,"  he says laughing.  
  
"New York isn't so bad," Kris says but regrets his words the next day when pictures of he and Brad are splashed all over with headlines like "Swapping stories" or "Trading secrets."  He decides Adam was right about a vacation and heads to his cabin in Maine. He can hang out there for a few days.  He has internet and TV but he doesn't have to turn them on.  He and Adam talk every night and after a few days they settle into a routine.  Everyone is dying for an exclusive from them but the only responses from their publicists are "No comment."    
  
One day, a couple weeks into Adam's tour comes the headline, "Adam Lambert's wild night of sex".  Some guy is claiming Adam hosted an orgy party.  Adam and Kris laugh about it on the phone.  His wild night of sex was him masturbating while listening to Kris masturbate on the phone.   They joke about how he's a magician to pull off being in two places at once.  The problem this time isn't them because they talk about how they are each feeling.  The problem is the media.  The stories call Adam a cheating bastard and speculate Kris left LA because of yet another bad breakup and he's nursing his broken heart.  All Kris can think is here we go again  .They talk about it on the phone and Adam seems to take the assaults on his character in stride but Kris knows it hurts, just like it hurt last time.  He has no idea what he can say to help.  Everything Adam has done has always been about Kris.  Even when he made that stupid decision years ago, he did it with Kris in mind.  It may have been dumb, and a mistake, but Kris now knows Adam's heart was in the right place, even if misguided.   He racks his brain trying to figure out what to do.  He's tired of all this bullshit.   He could announce they are a couple but the public would still think of Adam as an unfaithful creep.  They all think he did it  before so why wouldn't he do it again.  Kris is the only person who knows Adam didn't actual cheat before.   Then he starts to thinking.  What if the public knew the truth, or at least a version of the truth?  They don't have to know every detail, but maybe a little would go a long way.   Maybe if they saw it as a tragic romance, like a modern day Romeo and Juliet, then maybe they would cut him some slack.    
  
Kris gets a determined look on his face and picks up the phone.  It's time for a little plan of his own.  


	13. Rising from the Ashes

Kris has had enough.   Enough of being scared.  Enough with people who can't accept reality.  Enough with running away and hiding.  Enough of sitting by and not taking action.  That's what he did last time and, by God, it's not going to be what happens this time.  
  
The first person he calls is Lane.  He tells her his idea and she agrees to keep Adam away from his phone, TV, radio as much as possible for the next couple days.  It shouldn't be too difficult since he sleeps most of the day due to the tour schedule.  Plus his appearance at the British Music Awards is coming up so he's busy with that also.  America may not care for him but the rest of the world does and Adam is up for a couple of awards.   Adam is going to perform an acoustic version of his new song.  It's a beautiful love song about acceptance and unconditional love.  Kris knows he was nervous because people expect over the top performances from him all the time.  Adam wants people to focus on the lyrics and the lyrics shine when it's just him and his guitarist, Monte Pittman, on the stage.  The recorded version has a full symphony but Adam was afraid a full ensemble would distract from the song when performed live.

His next call is to his publicist where he tells her to grant one exclusive but with the stipulation that it will need to be done the following day and it needs to air within a day.  They pick Oprah.  People will think it's cliché but Kris picks her because he remembers how she had Adam on her show after the AMAs and she let him explain and then just let him be himself.   He's nervous for the rest of the night because he wants this to work so badly.  Not for himself, he really doesn't care what happens to him, but for Adam because he deserves this second chance just as much as their relationship did.  Then he races to the airport in Boston to catch a flight to Chicago that evening.    
  
Of course he doesn't tell Adam this when they talk later.  Adam just finished up a show in London, "The crowd was amazing!  They kept screaming for another encore.  I did three of them!  I probably would've been there all night if they had their way."  
  
He knows he didn't sing Whole Lotta Love.  Adam told Kris he was retiring the song.  Nothing could top the last time he performed it and Kris still blushes thinking about it.  He's sure he'll still be blushing when he's eighty years old sitting in the rocker on a porch somewhere, Adam by his side teasing him.  God, he loves that man so much.    
  
"So what did you sing for encores," Kris asks.  Adam always performs covers for his encores.  He says it gets the crowd pumped up because they know his song.   
  
"Um, actually I did  _Let's Get It On_ ,"  Adam says hesitatingly.  
  
"Really,"  Kris says sounding slightly shocked.  "Why did you do that one?"  He doesn't think Adam's ever sung that song except in the shower.  It's his "getting ready for a hot show" tune.   
  
"Well, I was feeling a little worked up and I missed you and I was really horny. I thought the song would help but it just made it worse.  So, I made a quick stop to the bathroom before the last encore."   Adam laughs and Kris starts laughing loudly just thinking about it.    
  
Kris says knowingly, "You teased Tommy didn't you?"   Tommy is the bassist in Adam's band.  The poor guy has been on the receiving end of Adam's stage antics more than once.    
  
"Not really, just rubbed his hair a little.  I have you now.  Can't be off kissing other guys.  Let's just say my hands did a road map of my own body during the song."  Adam laughs again and Kris decides he needs video of this pronto.    
  
Kris changes the subject, "I've been thinking of flying over next month and going with you on the last part of the tour.  Would that be okay?"  Little does Adam know Kris really isn't giving him a choice and it's sooner than next month.

"Really?  But what about the publicity?  Although you could hang out on the bus and we can disguise you,"  Adam sounds gleefully happy at that thought.  
  
"Funny, very funny.  No disguises.  I think the glue took half my face off last time I let you do that," Kris shudders at the thought.  "So, seriously, would it be okay?"  If Adam is hesitant at all Kris will just go through with the first part of his plan.  
  
"Baby, it would be awesome!  You'd make my trip.  Damn, I'll take whatever time you can give me, a day even," Adam squeals.  Then his voice goes low, "I miss you so fucking much."  
  
Kris heart turns over.  "I miss you too."   
  
They talk a little bit more and hang up and Kris smiles when he pictures Adam's face the next time he sees him.    
  
Kris arrives at Harpo studios the next morning for his interview.  Surprisingly he's not even nervous.  He's anxious to tell everyone about the Adam he knows.  It helps that Oprah knows that Adam also.  The interview starts off about his music and Kris sings "Rising from the Ashes".  It's appropriate for today.    
  
"So, let's talk about your life and the  _Rolling Stone_  article.   You married and divorced your high school sweetheart.  Then you surprised the world with your affair with your Idol roommate, Adam Lambert.   Did you see that coming when you were on Idol?"  
  
Kris laughs, "God no.  If anyone told me I would fall in love with a man I would've thought they were nuts.  I'm the last person that expected it.  Heck, Katy knew before I did, which was long after our divorce by the way," he pauses for a moment.  "The thing is, the heart chooses who the heart chooses.  We really don't have any say in who we fall in love with.  It just happens.  We only have a say in what we do about it."  
  
Oprah nods her agreement, "It's true.  So looking back now, do you have any regrets?"  
  
"Oh yeah, I have a lot of regrets," Kris answers.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Like the fact that I let him walk out the door and I didn't fight for him.  That's my biggest regret," Kris says solemnly.  
  
"Fight for him how,"  Oprah asks.  
  
"We were both trying so hard to try to do what's right.  People can be really mean and hateful.  The things they said about him bothered me so much, they still do."  
  
"They said some nasty things about you too," Oprah interjects.  
  
"Yes, that's true but they really painted Adam as a bad person, when he really is such a kind and gentle person.  He's always putting others before himself."  
  
"It's true," Oprah says. "I remember he changed his schedule around so he could perform at one of my charity fundraisers for me on very short notice."    
  
"Yeah, and it bothers me that people don't know that side of him."  
  
"So what's your relationship like now?  We know the rumors, seen some pictures.  So now's your chance to tell America the truth."  
  
Kris takes a deep breath and smiles wide.  His just starts glowing and his eyes are all sparkly and he gushes, "I'm not going to jump on your couch but we're back together and very much in love."  
  
Oprah laughs and says, "My God, look at your face.  You are just glowing!"  And everyone chuckles at the blush on Kris's cheeks.  
  
"So how did this come about?"    
  
"Well, he read the article in  _Rolling Stone_  and he came to see me and we talked and he told me some things."  
  
Oprah interrupts him again, "What kinds of things."  
  
"You know you can't believe everything you see and read, right?"  He continues after Oprah nods. "He let me choose to believe certain things that weren't true because he thought it were best if he was out of my life."  
  
""Why would he think that," Oprah asks.   
  
"He thought it would be best for my career, best for me.  There was so much pressure on us.  You have no idea how much.  And there was so much more on Adam.  I was straight and people were freaking out that Adam somehow turned me gay, like there is such a thing.   I didn't see what it was doing to us until it was too late."    
  
"Yeah, we were both protecting each other instead of talking to each other.  Adam left because our relationship was turning me into a social outcast.  I couldn't get anyone to return my calls, my interviews were getting cancelled, it was a nightmare.  I wasn't happy because of it.  He left because he thought he was saving me."  
  
"Isn't that kind of drastic?  If he loved you, why wouldn't he stick it out?"  
  
"Look at my career now.  Drastic, sure, but the results speak for themselves.  I have no doubt I'd be singing in the park or in some coffee house if Adam and I had stayed together back then.  There is no way I would be a multi-Grammy award winner, I can tell you that.  That's why he did it.  He did it because he loved me and wanted to give me the world.  He just didn't get it that the world didn't mean anything without him."  
  
"Awwwww, that's so sad and sweet at the same time.  Where is he now?"  
  
"He's touring in England right now."    
  
Oprah asks the question he's been waiting for, "What happens now?  Do you think things will be different?"  
  
"Yes, things will be different.  I'm at a different place in my career.  Before I was at the beginning of my career. Now I'm established but even if everyone turned their backs it wouldn't matter.  It's just material things and we can't take material things with us when we die.  We take our souls and my soul isn't complete without him."  
  
Oprah grabs his hand and he sees her eyes fill.  Step one of Kris's master plan complete.  Now it's time for step two.    
  
Kris leaves Adam a quick message saying he won't be able to talk with him as he's taking a flight home because he's homesick.  Meanwhile, the blogs are going crazy.  Twitter is going nuts but the best part is that night he sees Adam's album flying up the chart on Amazon and Itunes.  He feels like Superman.  He gets on the red eye to England and falls asleep in first class with a smile on his face.     
  
Adam is impatient.  He hasn't talked to Kris in a day and a half.  Things have seemed fine on their calls but he still remembers Kris blowing up at him the day the story broke and, sometimes, he feels like he's just waiting around for that Kris to show up again.  He runs a hand through his hair.  There will always be stories in the papers and blogs. What is he going to do if Kris decides it's just not worth it?   It's why he didn't really press the issue that day.  That was the meanest Kris has ever been to him and Adam just let him.  He let Kris rant and get it all out but deep down he wonders if Kris won't just throw in the towel and give up.  He's worried that's what his trip home is all about.   
  
Lane says his phone is dead and she doesn't have time to charge it up or change the battery.  He leaves Kris another message using her phone.  Damnit, where is he anyway.  To top it all off, something is wrong with the limo and they get stuck on the side of the highway on the way to the British Music Awards and they totally miss the red carpet.  He wonders if this day can get any worse.  Finally they show up and he basically only has time to change quickly.  People are giving him thumbs up signs and smiling as he walks to the dressing room.  What is going on?  Did they miss an award he's won?  He changes into his leather pants, flowing shirt and adds his necklaces. 

He's waiting for his cue to head to the stage for his performance.  He tries calling Kris one last time with no luck.   He finally gets his cue and heads to the stool.  Monte is not there yet.  It gets pitch black and he wonders where the hell Monte is.  The lights come on and he hears the first note and starts to sing.  He looks around and his face drops and his mouth hangs open.  Because walking towards him isn't Monte, it's Kris.  He turns and looks around and Lane and Monte are grinning like idiots on the other side of the stage.  What the fuck is going on?  Everyone starts cheering wildly when they recognize who's playing guitar.  Then he hears Kris's voice.  
  
"Sorry everyone.  You gotta forgive Adam.  He didn't know I was coming.  Wanted to surprise him,"  Kris says, "You think it worked?"  
  
Then everyone is yelling and screaming and doing catcalls.  They are all standing and cheering and Adam has no idea what has just happened to him.  
  
Kris is standing right in front of him and forgetting he has an audience Adam asks him, "What are you doing here?  You said you were going home."  
  
Kris leans downs and gives him a quick kiss and tells him, " I am home.  You're my home"  Everyone is still screaming.  "How about we let them hear what beautiful music we play together?"  
  
Adam can't believe Kris is here, making such a public declaration.  Kris doesn’t do public displays. It takes Adam a minute for Kris’s words to sink in. Then he is beaming because he knows that no matter what is printed, what is said, they'll make it.  Together.  
  
Unlike Kris, Adam loves public displays.  He stands and dips Kris dramatically before kissing him, much to the delight of the cheering crowd.


End file.
